


Innocent Home

by Mezzymet



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spiderman: Homecoming
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Daddy Kink, Depersonalization, Depressed Tony, Disassociation, F/M, Heed the tags if this isn’t your thing, M/M, Night Terrors, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Peter is 21, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Sugar Daddy, infinity war happened, past abusive relationship, this is 4 yrs later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-06-30 06:10:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15745860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mezzymet/pseuds/Mezzymet
Summary: He hadn’t seen him in four years, they had barely corresponded and....and he wasn’t prepared for this. Whatever it was.





	1. Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new story I’m trying out. Idk how often I’ll update but when inspiration strikes, I’ll write more of it :)
> 
> This is dark in theme, sort of. It’s really sad and pulled from some personal shit so like. Please read the warnings for each chapter.
> 
> There’s some minor Pepper bashing in this fic. I have no real issue with her character but it fit in the realm of this fic, so I wrote it.
> 
> I’m also basing this off of Peter returning from the snap at age 16, so he went to college early at 17.
> 
> Also: the abuse is not between tony and peter.

It’s a night of celebration, Pepper had said. Tony’s not entirely sure what they’re celebrating. 

Scratch that, he does know. Peter Parker just graduated from MIT with high honors and a Bachelors degree in Science. He had once told Tony that he wasn’t sure what to specialize in, didn’t know if he could choose one aspect of science. Tony wonders if he ever chose.

They didn’t talk much after their teary reunion, after the soul stone. Everyone recovered in parts and pieces and Tony would never fully recover from what he had had to do to help defeat Thanos. Pepper had wanted him to see a shrink in order to try and combat the new slew of nightmares that came with the last battle. It turned out medication was far more help in the end.

And Pepper got what she had always wanted. Him. Retired and gone from harms way.

He was still bitter about that one.

Still, he and Peter got their reconciliation out of the way and...Tony couldn’t do it. He couldn’t look at Peter Parker’s childlike face and take responsibility for the fact that the kid likely had ptsd because of him. Because of the world he’d introduced him to.

He knows that realistically, Peter would have vanished during the snap either way but....he would have been at home, with May. Or possibly on a field trip with his friends. Not stuck on a ship in space with an angry old man and a magician.

So Tony didn’t feel much like celebrating, too scared to see hatred and regret in Peter’s eyes. He didn’t want it to be confirmed that he had ruined the last ounce of purity left in his world. No matter how long it had been since they’d seen each other.

—

Peter had been gone for four years. He had started college early at the age of 17 and Tony had swung for a full ride scholarship. The gesture had gotten him a tearful thank you in an elevator at the compound before he could no longer take looking at the kid and had to flee.

All he saw was him dying, turning to ashes in his arms. You’d think after four years, the memory would be less vivid but Tony still saw it clearly in his dreams. 

He had thought he’d lost him, along with everyone else and...Tony barely coped after but he had to keep going, had to keep moving or he was going to implode on himself. He knew he had to get Peter back safe and not just for himself. They hadn’t been remarkably close at the time, mostly due to Tony distancing himself from the kid that looked up to him too much. It had scared Tony because he wasn’t a good role model and he wasn’t responsible.

He could never have been a makeshift father for Peter. But he had still cared for the boy, immensely even. But he couldn’t be too present because he would have just led Peter astray, into his own death in space. Because that was a thing that happened.

And it lived inside Tony’s brain and grew and had limbs and was a monster in its own right.

It’s what he was thinking about as he entered the living area, a cacophony of noise greeting him. Everyone was gathered in various clusters, talking loudly over each other. Sounds of laughter and camaraderie as everyone happily reminisced with one another. Tony felt a chill settle in his bones. He felt like an imposter here, like he didn’t belong.

He glanced around the room and stopped short when-

It couldn’t be. Tony clenched his eyes shut and reopened them, only to find that it definitely was.

That couldn’t be Peter Parker. Not sweet, mousey Parker. Logically Tony knew that people grew and got older and went through puberty. He realized that Peter was in fact 21 but....the evidence had never been propelled before him.

He hadn’t seen him in four years, they had barely corresponded and....and he wasn’t prepared for this. Whatever it was.

Peter looked the same height, just shorter than Tony. As if puberty hadn’t afforded him any more he inches. Still petite looking. His body was still filled out but Tony’s eyes took in the lines in a way he never had before.

It was the way he stood that got him. Straight and sure and with an ease of confidence surrounding him. His hair was longer than before, curling wildly on top of his head and falling slightly in his face. His smile was sure and free as he spoke to Shuri animatedly. 

His clothes were something Tony never thought he’d see on the young man. Tight black slacks hugging his long legs and a simple white T-shirt tucked into them. On his nose perched a pair of square, black framed glasses. They looked functional but fashionable at the same time.

One hand tucked lazily into his slack pocket while the other nursed a drink. Because he could drink now. Alcohol. Because he was an adult.

Tony was incredibly aware of how dangerous his thought process was getting and it really wasn’t something he wanted to delve into right now. Not like this, in a room full of people.

It was uncomfortable and awkward and-

“Thanks for showing up.” He heard whispered by his ear. Tony nearly grimaced at Peppers voice. He didn’t really want to talk right now, not after the sudden revelation he was steadfastly not thinking about because it didn’t exist. Absolutely not. 

Her tone was off and Tony knew it was because he was so late. 

“Sorry, Peps. I just...got caught up.” He said with forced sincerity before turning to her. She looked at him evenly and Tony remembered a time when her exasperated expression would have been endearing to him. Now all he felt was discomfort and a feeling of disappointment.

He was the disappointment. To her and everyone else, probably.

“What matters is that you’re here now.” She said in a way that sounded sincere. Tony knew it wasn’t.

They hadn’t been getting along. Things were never the same after the snap and Pepper couldn’t understand why Tony couldn’t cope.

Okay, that wasn’t fair. Pepper had tried to help him. For days, months, years, she had tried to dig her heels in and pull him out of the proverbial meltdown he had gone through.

He hadn’t become an alcoholic, thank god, but he had been close. It wasn’t a substance that was the problem, not this time around. It was Tony’s will to live.

Not that he wanted to die, no. He wasn’t suicidal, he didn’t have the distinctive need for any of that. He was just a blank slate most of the time. He felt as if he was constantly floating about, emotionless and careless. He would be driving some days and he’d miss his exit to get home just because...his mind would shut off. He would cease to exist.

His therapist had told him he was disassociating to deal with his panic, rather than having the gasping anxiety attacks he used to have.

The feeling was weirdly cathartic and he never realized just how much he hated it until he was fine again. He’d be in the middle of a shower and suddenly he was back and all he could see was Peter Parker’s face apologizing to him as he turned to dust.

For some reason, Pepper couldn’t understand that. She said he had saved everyone, there was no need to carry around the guilt from it. But she didn’t get it. She didn’t get how it felt to have the power to stop things but feel useless in the end.

He was grateful that everyone came back and was safe. That didn’t mean he deserved to be around any of them.


	2. Peter Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: talk of anxiety, depersonalization, depression, mild mention of abuse

The night goes on slowly and Tony talks to a few people. It doesn’t quite feel real, the way the world around him feels like plastic.

He’s not here, his mind isn’t here. It’s protecting him, or something. His therapist had explained it once. He feels so extraordinarily numb to everything, even Pepper clutching his hand and laughing at a joke someone just told.

He can feel Rhodey staring at him. Another person he had chosen to avoid for the past few months. He figured he only had a few more days until Rhodes tried to very deftly reinsert himself isn’t his life. It was a routine he had.

Tony had no doubt that he too would one day tire of it. He knew he was on limited days with Pepper, at best. She was always too bright of a star for him to catch and....he wasn’t sure if he wanted her to leave or stay.

Maybe that’s why he felt so melancholy tonight. Maybe it had nothing to do with the beautiful boy he had yet to talk to, who kept shooting him glanced that he no doubt thought were covert.

As the night wore on, Tony could see that Peter apparently didn’t have much tolerance for alcohol, despite the spider dna that inhabited him.

His eyes were wide, hair messier than ever. Tony wanted to selfishly look at him, drink his feel for no other reason than to witness unsoiled youth in its best example.

He knew better than to do that around his friends. They’d figure him out in a second.

And what was there to figure out? Nothing, aside from Tony’s idiotic shock that Peter hadn’t stayed the same baby faced, hero worshipping boy he had known years ago.

Well, maybe the baby face was still there.

A good amount of people at the party were drunk, actually. Including Pepper. Tony was peacefully sober, a welcome change for the night.

He didn’t want to be inebriated, not when he was in a position to make a fool of himself.

They cut the cake and Peter opened his presents. Tony looked away with practiced ease when Peter tried to meet his eye after opening his exclusive, one of a kind stark phone.

Tony had spent months making it perfect for the boy. He hadn’t even told Pepper what he was giving him. He heard a vague thank you and hoped that not too many people would notice the awkward tension in the air. 

—

As the night drew closer to an end and Tony had somehow managed to avoid talking to Peter Parker, he realized he might just get out of the whole situation unscathed.

People had started leaving in groups and it wasn’t until Pepper approached him again with an undetermined look on her face.

“Peter’s a little...he’s trashed.” She said with a slight smile, gesturing across the room where the young boy was hanging off of Thor, laughing at some joke he told. The image made Tony’s teeth grind together for some reason. Maybe he really did have protective instincts, maybe they weren’t dead after....

Whatever. Pepper was staring at him expectantly.

“What?” He asked in confusion.

She sighed. “You’re the only sober person here. Do you think you can give him a ride home?”

Tony stared at her with narrowed eyes. This felt like some kind of trap. He wanted to say no but he also knew there was literally no one else available to take Peter home. Happy wasn’t even in the United States right now...so.

He sighed in resignation. 

“Alright, I’ll go get him. Don’t stay up.” He said, in a way that used to sound like a joke. It probably wasn’t anymore. Pepper only smiled tight lipped before turning and walking away.

He approached Peter and Thor, trying his best to remain casual and not like the discomfort show on his face.

He coughed to get their attention. Peter’s face looked shocked when he saw him, as if he was surprised to see the other man talking to him at all. Tony felt the guilt settle heavy in his stomach.

“Gotta get this one home, Thor.” He said with a smile. “Come on, Parker. It’s getting late and I’m your only ride.”

Peter stumbled through a thank you and he and Thor said their jovial good nights to each other, friendly in a way that made Tony ache for companionship again. A tiny voice in his head said that if he would just isolating himself from everyone....

It was for the best.

The elevator ride down was silent and Tony could feel Peter glancing at him every few seconds. He was still so much like a hyper puppy that it made Tony’s whole body feel a little bit lighter.

—

After they it into one of his cars, It didn’t take long for Peter to start talking, his speech slow and slurred. He pushed his glasses up his noses as they slid down.

“Thanks so much for the new phone, Mr. Stark.” He said and Tony tell without looking that his honey eyes were probably huge with sincerity. Peter was always so sincere. “You really didn’t have to.”

Tony turned down a side street, gaze trailing to the gps window to keep on track.

“I’m glad you liked it.” He said, instead of reprimanding Peter for not being able to accept a gift. He knew better than to try that. They definitely weren’t that close anymore.

Peter spent a few minutes toying idly with his seatbelt strap, obviously amused, before he just started talking.

“MIT was fun, ya know.” He paused, waiting for a response that Tony didn’t offer. “The classes were um, enriching and I uh, went to a lot of parties. I know, me! At parties!”

Tony tried valiantly to keep the fond look off his face but it was hard.

“And I dated a lot of people, Mr. Stark. Like...too many, really.” Tony felt an ominous feeling wash over the car and he knew this one sided conversation was about to get weird.

“There was this girl, Allison. She was really sweet, really good at head-“ He said it so nonchalantly that Tony almost choked, letting out a soft cough instead. 

“Okay, Pete. That’s enough-“ Tony tried to say but Peter barreled on as if he hadn’t heard him.

“She was a little too nice, though. If you catch my drift.” He said in a wink-nudge voice and no, Tony didn’t catch his drift. He refused to catch his drift.

“Then there was um, this dude who was also named Peter but it was too weird. Like how am I supposed to let a guy with the same name fuck me? How does that even work?” He laughed childishly, snorting loudly and Tony maintained eye contact with the road, a no doubt horrified look on his face. He decided to ignore the fact that Peter had likely just come out to him. He really didn’t need to be hearing any of this, he was getting too old for-

“There was some others in there too, yeah. But then there was Devin.” Tony heard the tone of his voice drop, become darker. He paused for a long time, too long for comfort. “Devin used to hit me.”

Tony almost slammed on the brakes. He kept his face as level as possible as he stared out his window, unsure what to say.

Peter had gotten abruptly quiet, gaze focused loosely on the dashboard. The haziness in his eyes looked familiar.

“What did you just say, Pete?” Tony asked slowly, voice as soft as he could make it.

The boy shrugged himself out of his sudden stupor.

“Huh?” He asked, voice confused. “Oh...oh nothin’, sir. Just feeling sleepy, I guess.”

Tony let it go, mostly because he couldn’t find his voice but also because Peter had started to nod off, his head resting peacefully against the car window.

Tony would have to wake him when they got to his apartment.

It was in a dingy part of town but not as bad as Tony would have thought, considering Parker had just arrived back. He wondered how the boy had managed to find a place on such short notice. 

He parked the car and leaned over to nudge Peter awake.

“Pete, Peter. It’s time to get up, buddy.” He said soothingly until the boys eyes darted open and he pushed Tony’s hand off of time with a hard flinch. 

He looked at him with wild eyes, breathing labored. Tony held both hands up in surrender, too shocked to respond to the sudden violent movement from the young man.

“Oh, it’s you.” He said, body sagging in relief as he sighed. “Are we um, I’m at my apartment, yeah?” He asked, eyes unfocused.

Tony nodded carefully, heart still pumping with adrenaline.

“Would you....would you help me upstairs, please? It’s just...the elevator is down and...lots of stairs, don’t wanna fall.” Peter asked softly and Tony had to sweep away the images crossing his brain at light speed. No. Bad Tony, those thoughts aren’t allowed.

He really needed to see his therapist soon.

He really need to ask Peter about what he had just said because it wasn’t leaving his brain anytime soon.

He chose instead to help him into his apartment. Then he would leave and go home to his own bed and Pepper, where things were safe and not confusing. 

“Sure, absolutely.” He nodded as Peter unlatched his own seatbelt.

He helped the stumbling, drunk boy maneuver himself from the car. He had to wonder how he’d managed to stay so drunk this long, considering his healing factor should have taken care of it by now.

He asked just that as they made their way into the building and up the towering staircase. 

Peter let out a giggle and Tony refused to find it cute. “Thor gave me some Asgardian stuff, it was pretty strong. Good though.” He slurred as he leaned heavily into Tony’s side.

They reached a third staircase and Peter stopped him, walking them down a hall as he fished a hand into his jeans pocket, almost making contact with the wall in his stumbling before Tony caught him by his shoulder.

He giggled again and Tony wished he’d stop doing that. It sounded too nice. He fumbled with the key until Tony had to take it from him and unlock the door.

The apartment was mostly empty and pretty small. It wasn’t as small as the older man would have thought and that made him feel oddly suspicious. He couldn’t pinpoint why.

Peter tugged on his hand suddenly and Tony valiantly ignored how tiny his hand felt in his own. Some things never changed, he supposed.

He reluctantly followed a mumbling Peter into a bedroom full of boxes and a full sized bed, already covered in sheets and a thick duvet. The windows didn’t even have curtains yet. Tony wondered if the younger man had even brought any with him. Maybe Tony could send some next week-

Peter let go of his hand and immediately began stripping his clothes off, throwing his shirt in some vague direction before Tony’s brain caught up.

“Jesus, kid! What are you doing?” He asked in shock, voice hushed in the dark room.

Peter pulled his tight slacks down his long legs and stood in the most indecent pair of tiny blue briefs Tony had ever seen. He looked away quickly, face alighting in something akin to shame.

Peter only laughed and shrugged, “Can’t sleep in those, Can I?” He offered up before crawling into his bed, hair even more adorably mused than before. He reached to place his glasses on a side table, rubbing at his bleary eyes with clenched fists.

Fuck, Tony could hardly look at the boy as he smiled coyly up at him.

“Well, you just gonna stand there?” He mumbled, cherry lips spreading into a smile.

Tony stuttered and sighed in mild panic. “I don’t think- that’s not a good idea, Pete.”

Peter’s face instantly became stoic and his eyebrows lowered over those big, bright eyes. His cute little nose scrunched up and Tony had never felt more fucked in his life.

“I just don’t wanna sleep alone. Please, Mr. Stark?” Tony felt his heart stutter at how helpless the boy sounded, curled up alone in his bed.

He couldn’t deny him, he found he didn’t really want to. After all, What was so wrong about sleeping in the same bed? Tony could understand loneliness very well and Peter looked tiny and lonely and it was doing things to Tony’s heart.

He nodded and took his jacket off, refusing to take any other clothing off. That would be entirely too much. He toed his shoes off and placed the next to the bed.

He sat his keys and phone on a small bedside table as Peter watched him move with rapt attention, before sliding under the covers and laying a good distance from the boy, on his back. Or as much as could in the smaller bed.

Apparently Peter didn’t want that though. 

He sidled up to Tony, planting the warm line of body against his side and throwing a thigh over Tony’s own. He rested his head lightly on Tony’s shoulder and the older man was sure he could hear the loud thud of his heartbeat, fast and frantic at their close proximity.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter whispered into his shoulder.

“Yes, Peter?” He responded.

“I missed you,” The boy breathed, like a sigh in the darkness. Like some kind of illicit confession. “Please....please don’t disappear again.”

Tony’s heart clenched at the tearful sound of Peter’s voice and his hand moved of his own accord, sweeping into Peter’s curls and petting loosely at his head in a comforting manner.

“I won’t, Pete. I promise.” He breathed and he felt the press of cold lips on his jaw, quick and brief before Peter later his head back down.

Tony wanted to cry at the gesture. His heart hadn’t felt like this in so long, whatever it was feeling.

“Night night, sir.” Peter said in the sweetest voice and he was out like a light.


	3. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The awkward morning after is here y’all 
> 
> By the way, parts of this fic could qualify as emotional cheating so prepare for that

Tony’s eyes snapped open and he became vaguely aware that his surroundings were not familiar. 

The ceiling was popcorn, the bed felt smaller and stiffer, and there was a body next to his that was much shorter than he was used to. And warmer.

It came back to him like a flood. Peter’s. He had taken a very drunk Peter Parker home last night and the boy had guilted him into sleeping with him. 

Sleeping in his bed with him, that is. Not like...not sleeping with...not....god damn it.

Tony wanted to bolt right out of the bed but a glance to his side showed him that Peter was very much still knocked out.

The boy slept on his side, legs curled up to his chest, hands pillowed beneath his head. He’d hurt his neck like that, he probably needed better pillows. Maybe Tony could....okay, maybe another time. Focus.

His face was so relaxed, pink mouth slack and button nose twitching in his sleep as he doubt dreamt. Tony wanted to look away, had to look away because the sight caused some sort of feeling to stir inside him. He refused to acknowledge it. Not today.

Maybe not ever.

He slowly shifted on the bed, sitting up and extracting himself until he was standing beside it. He gathered up his belongings as quietly as possible and went to grab his jacket before slipping his shoes on, thanking whatever god that existed that they were easy to just slide into.

His phone had several unanswered texts and calls and somehow that felt worse than if there were none. He needed to get home as soon as possible. 

He felt bad about leaving Peter, a weird sort of guilt that felt not unlike a walk of shame but. It was easier than answering questions and then both feeling awkward. 

So he crept toward the bedroom door, nearly putting his hand to the doorknob.

“Are you really trying to sneak out right now?” 

Tony turned quickly, faced with a disheveled and sleepy looking Peter, raised up by his forearms on his bed.

Tony grappled for a response, mind too slow with fogginess.

“You do know I have enhanced senses, you could’a just said you were leaving.” He quirked an eyebrow at the older man and Tony had to look away from the tan line of the boys neck, leading down to his toned chest...

“I uh, I know that.” Tony lied awkwardly. “Didn’t wanna wake you.”

Peter rolled his eyes, sitting up further so that the blanket gathered around his waist. Tony kept his eyes trained on his face.

“Are you acting weird because you slept here or because I gave you a detailed account of my sex life last night?” Peter asked drily and ah, he did remember. That didn’t bode well for Tony. Although he did wonder how much the boy remembered.

“You mentioned someone named Devin? You seemed....upset about it.” He said, not wanting to broach the subject too hard Incase-

Peter’s face shut down, emotions undetected. It was eerie and Tony felt uneasy for a second before the younger man smiled a little too brightly, a little too quickly.

“I’ve never met anyone with that name. You sure you weren’t drunk last night too?” He teased, voice easier all of a sudden. 

It made Tony tense up even more, the obvious avoidance clear to them both.

He’d let it go, he decided. He itched to know about who Devin was, why Peter had even mentioned him. His blood boiled at the idea that anyone could possibly do that to Peter...

There was something in Peter’s eyes, something telling him “Please don’t say anything.” And so, Tony agreed despite his better judgement. He wouldn’t say anything, not today.

He shrugged easily. “I was sober but maybe I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately.” He joked lamely but the air felt less stiff as Peter smiled crookedly back at him.

Tony’s heart beat out of time again.

Peter stood from the bed, stretching his back like a cat as he let the blankets fall from his lean body. Tony couldn’t look away from all that tan skin, smooth and on display in the morning light.

Peter scratched at his belly and something glinted in the light.

Oh....that was, um...okay, so Peter had a belly button piercing. Totally normal and acceptable and not at all enticing.

The younger man caught him looking at the belly ring and chuckled. “That was a bet during my sophomore year. Friend of mine said I wouldn’t do it, never got rid of it cus’ I figure it’s kinda cute.”

“It is.” Tony said before his brain could catch up with his mouth. Peter froze as he reached to pick up his jeans from the floor. “I mean, it’s- it’s interesting, good for you. Trying new things, new experiences.”

Peter pulled his jeans on and turned to stare at Tony as he buttoned them up. The eye contact was disconcerting, to say the least.

“Oh I had loads of new experiences,” He said innocently as he shuffled by a shell-shocked Tony. What the....? “You want breakfast, Mr. Stark?”

Tony turned to the boy as he stood in his bedroom doorway, still shirtless with his jeans riding low on narrow hips. 

“No,” He said quickly. “I’d better....Peppers probably worried sick. I should get home...to my wife. You know.” 

Jesus Christ, what was he even saying?

Peter leaned against his door frame and smirked at the older man, a look of amusement on his face. “I do know, yeah. Still pretty pissed I didn’t get that wedding invite.” He joked, eyes still intent on Tony’s reaction.

“I didn’t figure you’d want to come.” Tony replied, refusing to allow himself to feel any guilt. It was true, he figured Peter had better things to do. 

Peter bit his lip and narrowed his eyes. “I always wanna come, Mr. Stark. For future reference.”

Okay danger. Alert. Need to leave immediately before something bad happens. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Tony said awkwardly, unsure if Peter had intended for his words to sound.....like that.

Tony brushed past him and he hardly leaned out of the way. Tony could just barely discern the look of disappointment on the younger mans face. God, he felt his patience being tested in the worst way today.

He turned as he entered the living room and reached for the door handle. 

“It was good seeing you, Pete.” He said with a small smile and for the first time since he’d seen him again, Peter looked young and unsure as he stood a few feet from him.

“Uh, thank you. Mr. Stark. It was nice seeing you too...um,” He gazed at Tony with nervous eyes, so unlike the boy from a few minutes ago. “Will you....can I see you again?” His face turned red, eyelashes fluttering with unease.

Tony only smiled, feeling like he was finally on different footing. 

“Absolutely, give me a text whenever you like. Bye Parker.” The boy breathed a quiet sigh of relief, Tony could see it in his face.

And with that he left, ready to overanalyze the past eight hours like a madman.

He’d also have to explain to Pepper why he never came home last night.

It took Tony fifteen minutes into his drive home to realize his sleep last night had been completely dreamless. Huh.


	4. The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this is super dark. Like, don’t read this if the tags squick you okay?
> 
> Warnings: mention of still birth, infertility issues, depression

The car ride home was indefinitely awkward, as he couldn’t stop thinking about Peter and how the boy had talked to him, the seemingly sudden confidence he had found in himself. It made Tony wonder if the whole thing was a facade, a cover up.

It made him want to delve a little deeper, talk to him a little more but...maybe that wasn’t a good idea. Tony wasn’t stupid, Peter had come onto him. He knew when someone was coming onto him. And Tony was a married man who was much older than Peter and....he just got the feeling that Peter wasn’t as sure of himself as he put on.

Maybe because Tony had played the same game for years on end.

Tony didn’t bother checking the messages on his phone as he drove, even when it would be as simple as ordering Friday to read them to him. He knew better than to trigger his anxiety like that, especially while driving.

That and he wanted to postpone the inevitable fight he was surely coming home to.

They didn’t use to fight like this. Before the war happened and before everyone disappeared, they were fine.

But then the inevitable had happened and Tony’s nightmares came true and suddenly Pepper was the only person who would stick around to try and pull him away from the fight. He knew she had meant well. Once he’d returned from space, all she wanted was to try and fix what was left and that wasn’t good enough for Tony.

No, before was better. Before the world was ripped apart around him and then....and then he had to fix it. So he did, along with his friends.

And you would think that after all of that, Tony would be able to finally live again. No. He still had nightmares and a whole diagnostic list of mental illnesses and issues that needed fixing. Sometimes he felt like Pepper was just trying to fix something that was broken.

Maybe that was a metaphor for their relationship.

Tony thought about getting a divorce, especially lately. But at what cost? Who else would put up with him at this point?

They had been happy before and now he kept ruining that happiness.

They were supposed to have kids and....and they couldn’t do it. Pepper couldn’t have a baby and that was fine, Tony was supportive, it wasn’t her fault. It couldn’t be, it’s not something you can help.

They had tried repeatedly that first year after and then eventually, they found a surrogate (a lady named Riley) and they thought....it was time.

Maria Angie Stark.

That was going to be her name. After his mother and a friend of Peppers.  
The news of her brought Tony and Pepper closer, in a false way no doubt but it had felt good to not fight and to have something to work toward. 

Maria was going to be beautiful and Tony was going to give her endless gifts and Pepper joked about how she would be spoiled.

And...and she too, was ruined. A still birth. Sudden and alarming and completely unexpected.

Pepper had frozen at the news the doctor had given them and then she just....looked at Tony and....he had imagined it, he was sure but...she looked at him like she loathed him, in that moment. He knew she didn’t, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It wasn’t his fault. Somehow it felt like maybe it was, in some secret, impossible way. 

But....after that she had left, said she wanted to wait in the car and to give her a few minutes.

So Tony had gone to the men’s restroom in the hospital and locked himself in a stall and cried for an hour, until his face felt raw and he was terrified that someone would see the great Tony Stark, face drenched in tears.

He visited Riley, afterward because someone needed to talk to her and he had had a lifetime of being selfish. It didn’t matter that she was giving the child to someone, it still had to hurt to lose a kid.

She was ripped apart, torn with guilt that she couldn’t give them a child and she told Tony they could try again. It was a freak accident, she was healthy and they both knew there wouldn’t be another try. They both knew that everyone involved wouldn’t be able to do this again.

She slept not long after they talked and Tony apologized to her profusely through tears, he didn’t want to hurt another person. Not anymore.

Riley was a sweet woman and she certainly deserved better too.

They’d ended up keeping it a secret. From the beginning they had safe guarded the whole ordeal because Pepper didn’t want the media getting ahold of their personal matters.

Tony thought maybe she mostly didn’t want them to know she couldn’t have kids. And he couldn’t blame her for that. She had taken it hard, finding out she couldn’t get pregnant. It had taken a long time after, to talk her into getting a surrogate. Tony had felt like it was the only thing he could do at the time. The only hope they had to saving their relationship. It ended up just being another failure on Tonys end and another heartbreak for Pepper.

They hadn’t even been married yet because Pepper kept saying she wanted to wait for the right time....Always for the right time. Tony had agreed for once because it felt wrong to have a wedding right after everybody returned.

It came a year after the Maria incident. It was an ultimatum this time. Pepper and Tony had been fighting again and...and he got lost in his work, she got lost in hers and....she wanted him to choose his suits or her. He chose her because he figured it was time, anyway. Time to run a company and stop pretending to be a hero.

So they got married and the wedding was beautiful and Tony wasn’t even sad during it. He was happy to be around his friends and see their smiling faces and see how Pepper glowed in her dress. It had felt like a new beginning. 

But you can only shine a rock so much in hopes that it’ll become a diamond.

Tony being the diamond, of course. So they continued to fight and he screwed up at every turn and said stupid things and...

Anyway, he wasn’t looking forward to fighting.

He pulled into the long driveway leading to their private house, designed with Pepper in mind. It was beautiful and big, stationed away from too many prying eyes. It had the same clean and clinical look that every Stark building carried. Tony was growing less fond of the aesthetic every day.

—

He walked into the kitchen, dropping his keys on the counter and standing behind it, waiting for Pepper to turn around.

She did. “Where were you last night?” She asked with a furrowed brow. “I called so many times and you never answered. You know I hate when you do that, Tony. The least you could-“

“I’m sorry,” He said delicately. “After I took Peter home...he was so drunk and lonely, he wanted me to stay.”

He didn’t expect for Pepper to peer at him so suspiciously.

“Why would you stay the night, Tony?” She asked carefully and Tony had it in him to look offended because Christ, he definitely hadn’t slept with the kid and he didn’t like being accused of things he hadn’t done.

“He was upset, Peps. What did you expect me to do? I think he...he took the whole me being gone thing a little hard.” He said, gaze straying to the counter top. It wasn’t a lie, really. It was perfectly in the realm of truth.

Peppers glare softened. “....sorry, I uh...I’m sorry. Old wounds don’t heal, I guess.” Fuck, that stung and Tony tried to pretend like it didn’t but it obviously showed on his face. “Come on, Tony. I didn’t mean it like that. You know I didn’t.”

He only nodded, feeling suddenly tired and worn out despite having a full nights sleep.

“It’s fine.” He lied, moving around the counter to pull Pepper into his arms and hug her. “I love you, you know.”

He always said it like he was using a life rope. A very clear ‘this isn’t working and we both know it but please don’t leave me because I’m useless’ hanging in the air between them.

“I love you too.” She said just as softly, burying her face in his neck. “And it’s nice of you to take care of Peter...he deserves that after everything.”

Tony didn’t respond, too afraid he’d give away.....give away what? That he cared about the boy? What was wrong with that? 

He was allowed to care for Peter and....and whatever else was going on in his head would just need to be pushed to the side for now. It had to be.


	5. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter about tony being tony and freaking out and also plot development

“Will you touch me? Please?” He heard it like a whimper, searing straight into his skin. Smaller hands skimmed over his torso, like the ghost of a feeling.

Warm lips ran up his neck, to his ear. Suddenly everything fell into focus and he was in his own bed. But someone was underneath him, long legs wrapped around his waist and hands tangled in his hair.

“Oh fuck- Tony, harder- like that, please.” 

That wasn’t Pepper. The voice was too low, too pitched like...like a mans. His sight focused on the body underneath him, undulating their hips in tense circles as he thrust into them.

Peter. Peter Parker, eyes hooded and mouth hanging open to whine tirelessly as Tony fucked him into his bed. His hair was a mess, long lashes wet with tears. He looked beautiful but hazy around the edges, like Tony was seeing him through foggy glass.

Fuck, Tony wanted to kiss him, wanted to swallow the noises that fell so elegantly from those swollen lips.

“Mmm, right there. I always wanna come, Tony. Can I come?” He asked, voice syrupy and sweet.

Tony jolted awake, body reacting like he was falling from a cliff. What the actual fuck?

He was in bed, in his own bed and....yes, Pepper was sleeping peacefully next to him, curled on her side.

He let out a huff of air, scrubbing roughly at his face as if it would vanish the image burnt behind his eyes. Fuck, somehow all he could think about lately was Peter Parker and how much he had grown up and the sad look on his face in Tony’s car and...

And now this.

What kind of deviant was he? Why couldn’t he just...shut this part of his brain up? To make matters worse, he was definitely hard.

He hadn’t woken up with a boner in a long time, seeing as how his dreams typically consisted of horrors unreal to this world and not...

Not whatever that was.

He glanced at the bedside clock. 6:15 am. Entirely too early for him to be awake and yet.

He decided to get up, maybe go work on some prototypes in the lab. Stark industries had been trying its hand at medical grade technology and maybe...maybe that would get his mind off all....this.

But first a cold shower.

 

—

 

Tony was on his third attempt of working on a heart monitoring machine when Pepper decided to visit him. He just couldn’t get the wiring right, no matter how hard he tried. His hands were uncharacteristically shaky and he kept fumbling.

She walked into the work shop slowly, already dressed in her work attire. Right so, it had been a few hours. Tony never kept up with time when he was in the workshop.

“We need to talk about Peter.” She said, gaze serious. Tony’s mind immediately panicked as he glanced up at her and still his working hands. 

Holy shit, had he said something last night? In his sleep? He wasn’t much of a sleep talker but it was possible.

He tried to cover his immediate reaction but his voice came out a little cracked. “Why? What do you mean?”

Pepper gave him a strange look and sat in the chair next to him. “Don’t you think it’s time to get a new assistant?” She asked carefully. Tony gritted his teeth, confused as to where this was going.

“I told you, no one was as good as you and plus...Friday does most of everything for me. Don’t you, Friday?” He asked tersely.

“I certainly do, sir.” Came the robotic reply and Tony turned back to the piece of metal in his hands, ignoring Peppers sigh pointedly.

“You do a lot more documented work and lab analysis now, Tony. I’m sure it’d go smoother if you had more help.” She was being reasonable but Tony didn’t much like the idea of having another person close to him, not when he was still having so many issues coping.

“And who exactly would even qualify to babysit me?” He asked because that’s what this felt like. He could feel Peppers exasperated stare but refused to look. 

“Don’t say it like that. Parker is plenty qualified to be your assistant and I heard down the grapevine that he’s been looking for a job.” Pepper said to Tony’s enormous shock.

“That’s um- you sure that’s a good idea, Pep?” He said as he turned some screws of the device he was tinkering with. 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” God, why did she always sound like she was testing him?

He glanced up at her and her face was impassive. So maybe he was projecting, big time.

It’s not like he could say....oh, it’s a bad idea because he really hits on me a lot and I had dream last night where I fucked him into our bed. So. Maybe let’s put that on a shelf and discuss it because Peter Parker being my assistant is going to end in a disaster.

Obviously he couldn’t say that.

“Peter’s young and vastly over qualified to be taking care of my bullshit.” Tony said softly, looking away.

“Maybe so. But everybody starts somewhere.” Pepper said and Tony could feel his resolve wearing thin. “Look, he needs a job and you need some help. Just accept the help for once, Tony. It’ll make our lives easier. I already sent his application through to you. He’s very interested in the job.”

He would have complained that she was meddling in a company she no longer held part of but....what would be the point? Tony sighed..

She was probably right. And anyway, he could control his sudden urges. Not that they were urges because they weren’t. At all. 

Now he just had to figure out a way to control Peter’s.


	6. Don’t Text Peter Parker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is veering into cheating territory so like, that’s your warning if that squicks you.
> 
> Warnings: masturbation, sexting?, Peter being a little shit

On Friday night, Pepper came home late from work and Tony noticed she was in a much better mood than usual. Her bright moods were becoming a weekly, random occurrence.

She was smiling and she greeted Tony happily and he was....suspicious wasn’t right word but he was definitely curious.

“What’s got you so happy?” He asked with a small smile and Peppers face turned a little pink, the smile dropping from her face.

Tony could place that look easily. Guilt.

But what she had done to feel guilty, he had no clue. She cleared her throat as they sat to eat dinner. 

“Had a nice day at work, I suppose.” She said and Tony could tell clear as day that she was very obviously lying.

He decided to let it go. Whatever was keeping her happy....doing what he apparently couldn’t do....maybe it was a good thing.

Maybe they are a good thing, his traitorous mind supplied. Tony felt his heart skip a little bit at the idea. Tony had never been an accusatory person in relationships. Most of his last relationships held no key to him and Pepper and....he wasn’t much for opening up to others. So, obviously he’d never had the opportunity of accusing someone of....

Cheating on him. No, Pepper just had a good day, that was all.

His mind betrayed him again. Been having a lot of those good days lately, hasn’t she?

Tony shook it off, staring at his wife as she told him about her day, brain too full of noise to hear what she was saying.

He wasn’t mad...he just felt....unsettled. Uneasy.

It would be fine.

—

He decided that enough was enough and he would need to text Peter soon. At least to let him know he got the job, anyway.

And he had. No one else had applied for it and it’s not like Tony wanted anyone in the position in he first place.

But he wasn’t going to force Peter to make him coffee and get him lunch. No, he’d be helping him in his lab and setting his schedule. He’d probably even need to attend board meetings with Tony. He would be more like a colleague than an assistant and Tony wanted to make sure the younger man knew that.

He took a deep breath and pulled his phone out as he sat in his office chair, eyes stinging from staring at paperwork for too long.

‘Thanks for telling me you applied for a position w/ me. You got the job.’ 

Perfect. Sarcastic and to the point. Nothing too personal.

‘What position would that be? I’ve applied for loads of positions, Mr. Stark.’

Tony rolled his eyes, partially at how Peter capitalized his texts but also at the very blatant innuendo. He was too worn out for it to even get to him.

‘The assistant position.’ He texted back simply, not taking the bait for once. Not that he would have normally. Ever.

‘Oh yay?’ The boy sent and a second text came immediately. ‘That’s great, I’ll finally be able to eat again lol’

Tony frowned at the text, unsure just how much Peter was joking.

‘Do you not have food in your apartment?’ He typed, suddenly full of concern. Jesus, this kid could barely take care of himself. It filled Tony with a weird feeling.

‘Idk think there’s some ketchup in the fridge lol’

Tony only frowned harder. No. That wouldn’t do. That wasn’t good at all, especially considering Peter probably needed even more food than the average 20 something. Tony would have to fix that.

‘What’s your venmo? And don’t argue with me, I don’t want to hear it.’ 

He knew better than to tiptoe around Peter. The kid was smart as hell and could connect the dots. He also wasn’t in the mood to argue about it, to be honest. He’d been working for hours and he was tired. 

‘Why do you want my Venmo?’ Peter texted back immediately and Tony rolled his eyes. Alright, he was gonna play stupid.

‘You know why. I’m sending you some money, go buy groceries. Consider it an early payment of sorts.’

He almost joked about how he couldn’t live with him dying of starvation on his conscience but that kinda hit a little too close to home for them. 

‘Are you sure?’ The boy asked and Tony could practically see indignant expression.

‘If you don’t tell me what it is, I’ll just figure it out on my own. You know I can.’

And that’s how Tony ending up sending Peter Parker $300 for groceries. The boy insisted later that it was entirely too much but Tony didn’t really care and he told Peter just that. It was his money, he could do what he wanted with it.

Which is probably how he ended up awake at 4 am, searching up duvet and pillow sets online in an insomnia induced haze.

If he chose next day shipping, that was totally due to his lack of sleep.

—

The next morning Tony woke late....well, really he woke up at noon.

Pepper had already left for work, clearly having chosen to not wake him. Peter wouldn’t start til next week so Tony was happy to just lay in bed for a bit and not do anything. He really needed to get his sleep back on schedule.

He turned to grab his phone off the bedside table and saw that he had several text messages.

All from Peter.

Tony grimaced. Well, he must have gotten his bed set then.

‘Did you send me pillows?’

‘AND silk sheets????? Wtf??’

‘This is too much, Mr. Stark! These have to be super expensive. I can’t accept these!’

‘Especially after you sent me money for food, which was super nice btw but still!’

Tony let out a huff of a laugh, completely unshocked after Peter’s refusal last night.

‘I think what you mean is Thank You, Mr. Stark. I love my new pillows. Very ungrateful of you.’ 

He hoped it came across as joking but knowing Peter he’d probably freak out in less than a minute.

It took a little longer than that for him to reply. Tony was distractedly going through his email when his phone pinged with a picture message.

‘How’s this for thank you?’

Attached was a picture of Peter, clearly taken from his arms stretched above his body. It showed him laying on the dark silk sheets, bed head resting on a pillow with one straining bicep tucked under his head.

His eyes were hooded, sleepy looking and his lip was tucked away by his teeth, the indents clear in the low lighting. Fuck, Tony should have never given him that Stark phone. It was too high quality.

The photo extended the slightest bit to show his long neck and jutting collarbones, just a hint of his shirtless chest and......

Tony was hard. Holy fuck. He was so fucking hard, just staring at the boys tan skin, contrasting so beautifully with the dark blue of the sheets.

God he was so fucked. 

‘It’s a good color on you.’ He texted back, not thinking about how weird it sounded. He just wished the immediate regret would get rid of the ridiculous boner he was now sporting.

‘U would know, u chose it’

Tony froze. He wasn’t stupid. He could tell that Peter’s texting had changed in format and...it was odd.

‘I did. You always look good in red and blue.’ Innocent enough, maybe he could steer the conversation away from....whatever was happening.

It took a minute and Tony was finally feeling a little relief but his phone pinged again and oh god, it was another photo message.

‘Keep bein nice to me and ur gonna make me blush’

It was another photo of his face, this time turned sideways and tucked away into his shoulder, a cute smile crinkling his eyes in a bashful way. His cheeks were dusted with pink and he looked utterly edible. What could be seen of his chest was also flushed and....no, he couldn’t be. 

Peter wouldn’t do that.

Tony’s balls throbbed. What the actual fuck was this kid doing to him? Tony shamefully reached between his legs and rubbed at his length through his pajama pants.

Compartmentalize it and it won’t matter. Worry about it later. It’s not like anything was actually happening. He just...woke up with an erection. That was all.

‘Somehow I don’t think ur capable of actually being bashful.’ He teased back and it was true. This weirdly confident version of Peter didn’t strike him as bashful at all.

‘You’d b shocked sir. I’m still a lot shyer than u think.’

Tony felt like he was being played with and he couldn’t stop himself from dipping his hand inside his bottoms and stroking at his length. 

‘Doubt it, ur too much of a smart ass to b shy. U never used to be so mouthy.’ 

He tugged hard at himself, swiping his thumb under the sensitive head and pulling his foreskin down.

‘U can be a smartass and still b shy’

A second text came quickly.

‘Maybe I just don’t have a reason to behave now’ 

Tony can’t even text back before another messages comes in.

‘Do u think I’m good, sir? I don’t wanna b bad, not rly’

Tony groaned out loud. Jesus Christ, who is this kid? What was even happening? He felt his balls draw up, he was so close to bursting.

‘You’re so good, Pete. I was just joking, ur so good.’

God, he was going to fucking come and he’s never felt guiltier than he did right then.

‘Th ank u so much d’

The weirdly disjointed text is what sent Tony over the edge because he knew exactly what it meant, he knew exactly what Peter was doing and it only made his orgasm more powerful as he thrust into his fist and came all over himself.

It took him a minute to calm down, nerves on fire and he heard the vague noise of his text notification.

A third photo.

It was the same as the others, only Peter was on his side, just his face and shoulders in view.

He looked sleepy and....sated. His eyes were even more hooded than before and a tiny smile quirked his face. Fuck, Tony’s heart just wouldn’t calm down.

‘Thanks for taking care of me, Tony’ the attached text said.

God. He was well and truly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you catch the little Easter egg of a kink in here, let me know


	7. Assistant For What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I should have Peter  
> is A Little Shit as a tag.
> 
> Once again, this is some low key cheating behavior without actual sexual content. So. If that bugs you....

How does one deal with having accidental phone sex?

Scratch that. How does one deal with facing their wife after having accidental phone sex with a college student?

A male college student.

Your actual protege. 

Who you saw die. Who you ended up saving. Who you now can’t stop having embarrassing sex dreams about.

Because Tony’s nightmares had been replaced lately by images of Peter Parker squirming underneath him, thanking him for his new blankets and jerking off for Tony to watch. 

He had deleted those god forsaken photos as soon as he could, thinking it would help to diminish his....thoughts. 

It didn’t help.

He needed a good dose of holy water, possibly.

It kind of helped that Pepper had been MIA for the past few days, leading up to Peter’s first day on the job. Tony had no idea where his wife was going and if he were being completely honest with himself, he wasn’t in the mood to ask.

Maybe it was some weird way of assuaging his own guilt but.....he just didn’t want to have the conversation yet.

The, oh hey, you keep coming home really late. What’s the about? Conversation.

He was tempted to snoop just to see if he was being a paranoid piece of shit for no reason but he knew better. It’d just come back to haunt him. 

He and Peter had texted a handful of times since the....incident. Which he was studiously ignoring in his own head. But if Peter was willing to pretend it didn’t happen, so was Tony.

And had anything happened anyway? Tony had jerked off, Sure. Like a creepy, perverted old man. That didn’t mean Peter was also....doing the same.

A small voice in his head told him he was stupid and he knew damn well that was a lie.

Whatever. At least they weren’t discussing it. And today would be Peter’s first day working for him and oddly enough, Tony was nervous.

This was exactly why he never wanted another assistant, especially now. He didn’t want anyone, let alone Peter, to see him at his lowest points. And Tony’s lowest points were far more frequent these days.

His therapist told him he had guilt problems, that he blamed himself for too much because it was the easiest option. That was probably true but it didn’t do much to ease his mind.

—

Peter arrived to work in a whirlwind of clothing and haphazard supplies.

Tony had told him to just come to his house for now. He hadn’t been to the Avengers compound in a while. He had a nice enough workshop here, after all. Plenty of room to do his work and never have to go out into the real world. Well, mostly. Board meetings still existed.  
Charity galas, that kind of thing. Still, Tony didn’t care that his therapist apparently thought his hermit-like tendencies were becoming too much....he liked being at home.

Peter rushed from the elevator just as Tony was setting up test tubes after washing them carefully.

He wore an unusual combo of slack-like pants and a shirt that was far too big on him. Tony was momentarily confused as the boy caught his breath in the entryway.

“Sorry- I know I’m late, sir-“ God. Please don’t call him that. “It- sorry, the subway ride was hectic and, couldn’t find clothes, patrol ran too late last night.”

Tony held back a smile as the boy leaned against the door jam.

“You’re fine,” He said softly. “I was wondering why you were wearing a circus tent.”

For the first time in a while, Peter’s face turned a soft shade of pink.

“It’s um, I’m sorry about that- kinda didn’t do laundry like I was supposed to and o don’t really have too many clothes. I guess I panicked.” He smiled wryly at Tony and shrugged but suddenly the older mans brain was filled with white fuzz.

A traitorous part of him was screaming, ‘You know what that means! He needs new clothes, do you think later we can look that kinda thing up or maybe we can just give him a card-‘

“Jesus Christ.” Tony muttered at himself, swiping a weary hand over his face. When he glanced at Peter, the boy looked distraught and ready to apologize some more. “No- not you, you’re fine. It’s fine. You look great- the clothes are fine, we’re just working on some fluid testing today.”

Good thing he got that out without stumbling. The sarcasm in his own brain was rampant.

Peter nodded again, biting at his bottom lip and Tony had to get his mind out of the gutter if this was ever going to work out.

Accepting that he was attracted to Peter Parker was not doing anything good for his sanity.

—

 

The day went pretty smoothly after that, bar all the awkward tension between the two of them. Tony refused to call it for what it was. Absolutely not.

Peter was polite and helpful and rather good at filling out all the paperwork that Tony himself didn’t want to go near.

It was honestly not as bad as the older man had built up in his head.

Pepper had a few questions about the whole thing later that night as they ate dinner. She wasn’t late for once and her good mood seemed to be absent.

Hm.

“How did Peter do today?” She asked, not looking up at him as they ate.

“Good...he’s, yeah...real smart, doesn’t bug me too much.” Short sentences showed less guilt. Tony was an expert liar so this really shouldn’t be that hard.

Pepper coughed and took a sip of wine. “He seems sweet,” She said and it felt....odd. No, he was projecting. He knew he was. He shrugged. “Well, at any rate, I’m glad you’re getting help finally.”

Tony tensed up at the phrasing. He knew this might veer into a conversation he didn’t want to have.

“Speaking of,” She said delicately. “How are your therapy sessions going?”

Tony blanked for a second, I sure what to say. “Good, I guess. My therapist likes me, I think. It’s hard to tell, she’s so blank faced.”

That got a smile from Pepper, if not a reluctant one.

“What do you talk about?” Tony tensed up again. This was a problem they had. Pepper couldn’t understand why Tony would never discuss his...issues with her. He couldn’t explain that he didn’t think she was emotionally equipped to deal with his ptsd.

And he didn’t mean that in a hurtful way but it would sound hurtful. It’s just that Pepper understood certain aspects of what he went through because she too struggled with the same things but....maybe he was just weaker in the mind.

“Oh...just, you know. How’s life going. Do I feel like dying, all the good things.” He tried to joke but he could tell that Pepper wasn’t having it.

“You shouldn’t make jokes about suicide.” She said quietly and just like that, it was awkward. “You know that isn’t funny, Tony.”

He felt very tired suddenly.

“I’m not....I know. I’m sorry, I just don’t really like talking about it.” He said with a sigh.

“....That’s fine.” Pepper said said in defeat, like hanging up a flag of truce before the fight could even start. That happened a lot lately. “As long as it’s helping.”

Tony merely hummed in response. It was helping. Mostly. Sort of.

He didn’t want to die or anything, he was just depressed. Sometimes it felt like Pepper expected him to pick himself up from the dust and just brush off the depression. Like that’s how it worked.

He tried to stray away from bitter thoughts like those because he knew they weren’t nice. They probably weren’t even true. But his brain liked to play tricks on him all the same.

—

The next day, Peter arrived in a much more orderly fashion and he also happened to be wearing normal clothing for once.

His shirt was much tighter than it needed to be, at any rate.

“Hi, Mr. Stark.” He greeted as he strolled into the workshop. His face was bright and happy as he sat his bag and coffee cup down on one of the many benches spanning the vast room. “It’s really nice out today!”

Tony stared at his starry disposition in confusion. What was it like to be happy about the sun shining too brightly, he wondered sardonically.

“You get enough caffeine?” He asked, gesturing to Peter’s general buzzing attitude. He was practically shaking with contained hyper-activeness.

“Yea, uh- it tends to make me a little jittery.” He giggled after that, a bit manic if Tony were honest. He squinted at Peter warily. “Where do you want me?

Ugh. Tony wished he wouldn’t ask stuff like that with his eyes so wide and so bright all at once. 

“Why don’t you organize those tables over there while I set this test up?” He gestured to the left side of the room, a few feet from where they stood. It was pretty much a wreck and honestly, Tony just wanted to expel as much energy from Peter as possible.

And no, he was not about to go down that particular rabbit hole.

“What’s got you so peppy?” He asked, forgoing the tone. Peter hopped on spot like an overexcited bunny. His curls even flopped around a little bit. Tony was disgusted.

“Just had a good day so far, I guess.” The younger man said as he organized the mess Tony had made on his work table. “Some guy gave me his number at Starbucks this morning.”

Tony tried not to tense up but it was a close thing. He could feel Peter’s gaze trained on him but he refused to return it. He knew exactly why the boy was trying to do.

“He was pretty cute. I think his name was Tim, maybe Mikey. Had really pretty blue eyes, too.” He was rambling and Tony gripped the table top tighter. Nope. Not taking the bait.

“You think I should call him?” Peter asked innocently and Tony didn’t bother to look up.

“I think you should do whatever you want.” He said in what he hoped was an unbothered tone.

Peter made a hmm noise and Tony heard him moving things around for a few seconds.

“Maybe he’s more of a texter.” Peter said, voice a bit lower. Tony clenched his eyes shut and counted to five, rearranging the wiring on his device, pretending to be busier than he actually was. “I do tend to like texting more.”

God, he was being so obvious, it was frustrating. He briefly wondered what sort of morals Peter was operating on now because the Peter he knew before would ever have dreamt of hitting on a married man.

To be fair, the Peter he knew before was straight. Or at least pretended to be. 

Tony wasn’t going to say anything. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. For the sake of his own sanity and moral compass, he would just keep his mouth shut and pretend nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

Tony heard steps approaching his bench and looked up to see Peter smiling widely.  
How he could say these things one second and look so innocent the next was beyond Tony’s comprehension. 

“I probably won’t call him, to be honest. Kinda seemed like a douche, ya know.” Peter giggled then, leaning across the table on his elbows to peer up at Tony, who would blame his sudden relief on protective instincts and protective instincts alone. Nothing to see here, moving along. 

If anything, it seemed like Peter was dropping the topic. Finally. Tony didn’t know how much longer he could keep silent.

“Then I got a free drink because the barista messed mine up and she was super nice about it and uh...” He prattled on in a way that soothed Tony’s nerves rather than annoyed him. It was just nice to hear him be so happy and....lively. 

Tony had gotten used to it lately. It was also nice to be able to let his guard down, after the teasing he’d just endured. Maybe it was all part of Peter’s caffeine high, maybe he just needed to calm down a little. 

Or maybe not. 

“And then Michelle, my friend from school? She gave me a new belly ring. Wanna see it?” He asked and didn’t wait for a response. Tony’s brain could barely catch up to respond before Peter was straightening up and lifting the edge of his shirt to reveal his stomach, belly button ring and all.

Tony couldn’t help but stare in wide eyed horror.

It was all black and dainty, a single bar with a chain attached. At the the end of the short string hung a small, black spider. It rested over his navel, tan and somehow sun kissed. Smooth, toned, hairless skin. 

God, Tony wanted to lick it.

He shook his head fast and coughed, averting his eyes.

“She takes the whole spider thing pretty seriously, doesn’t she?” Tony asked in a rough sounding voice that he wasn’t the least bit proud of.

He could see Peter smiling out of the corner of his eye, shirt firmly back in place. Thank God.

“Well, of course she does, sir. I’m very much like a spider.” He said it in a childish tone that had Tony clenching his fists, careful to not snap the wire he was messing with. 

Tony simply snorted, hoping that would be the end of this conversation before it entered dangerous territory.

“I am!” Peter giggled again and fuck, he really needed to not do that. “For one, I have great balance. I don’t have venom but like, not all spiders are venomous. I’m also very flexible, I can put my legs completely behind my head, sir. I could show you sometime if you-“

“Nope. No, that’s not- that’s not necessary. Hey, do you think you could go into my office and fetch the papers on my desk for me?” He asked without a tremor to his voice because god damn it, he was not about to fall into Peter’s trap. And it was definitely some sort of trap.

The boy had the good grace to look chastised, a soft blush coloring his face but the smile was still there. He walked out of the room and Tony let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Jesus Christ.


	8. A Nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so soft ew
> 
> Warning: emotional cheating

Peter liked to behave in bursts and fits.

Some days he would flirt endlessly and others he wouldn’t say much at all to Tony and it took about a week for the older man to figure this out.

He spent most of his afternoons helping Tony with his projects and their interactions always varied. It started to feel like Tony was dealing with two different people at times.

Like today, Peter was oddly vacant. His eyes were tired and no amount of coffee seemed to be keeping them open.

“You get any sleep, kid?” Tony asked, just as Peter’s eyes fluttered closed for the fifth time.

He jerked back awake, body going taught with tension as he stared a bit wildly at Tony.

“What?” He asked dumbly, big eyes wide and red. Tony felt a surge of protectiveness roll over him.

“Why don’t you go take a nap, Pete?” He asked softly, eyeing the younger mans swaying form. He knew what insomnia fueled exhaustion looked like and this was a text book case.

Peter shook his head, blinking his owl eyes sluggishly. “M’fine,” He muttered and Tony couldn’t help the way his heart clenched when the boy rubbed hands over his tired eyes. “I wanna help, I’m helpful- wanna be, don’t wanna be annoying-“

Tony’s eyebrow furrowed at Peter’s rambling and he sat his screwdriver down, turning to the young man and staring at him seriously.

“Peter, you’re not annoying.” He said sternly. “You just need some sleep.”

The boy let out a huff and stared at him for a good ten seconds before he very abruptly buried his face in Tony’s chest and wrapped thin arms around the older mans waist.

Tony’s body went stiff with shock as he patted awkwardly at the boys back.

“M’kay, I’ll go, thank you daddy.”

Tony froze, hand hovering midair and voice caught within his throat.

He had almost not heard it with how Peter had mumbled into his shirt. He was very certain that the boy hadn’t meant for him to hear it, if the stiffening of his shoulders was any indication.

He began to pull away, arms still sluggish and slow. He must have been incredibly tired if his panic couldn’t even register to his body.

Tony wrapped his arms tight around the younger mans body without thinking, pressing his Peter’s face into his chest.

“Shhh, don’t think about it right now. You’re sleepy and I won’t say anything. Alright?” He whispered, petting at the back of Peter’s head. He hoped the boy couldn’t hear how fast his heart was beating. He was both turned on and worried and the combination was making it hard to function. The worry won out in the end.

Peter nodded into his chest and sighed heavily.

“Let’s get you to bed, okay?” Tony asked in a voice one might use in a child. He pulled away, much to Peter’s dislike. He made a pitiful noise until the older man grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together, guiding him from the workshop and down a long hallway. 

There were some spare rooms on this side of the house and Tony rarely had guests over, so they were kept in top shape.

He pulled the boy in and let go of his hand long enough to pull the duvet back.

Peter clung to his side, muttering nonsensically to himself as Tony readied the bed.

“C’mon, nap time.” Tony said teasingly as Peter sat down and the older man settled on his knees to help the boy out of his shoes.

He didn’t even have anything dirty to say, which was unusual. He must really be out of it.

Tony decided to keep his jeans on, best not to tempt fate. He helped Peter wiggle under the blankets until his head rested on the pillow below him.

Tony was about to turn to leave when he heard a distressed noise.

He turned back and Peter stared up at him, curled up on his side like a baby. His big eyes were wet and halfway open.

“Why are you so nice to me?” He asked, voice almost non existent in the silence of the room. 

Tony realized with a jolt that the boy was crying. 

He’d never seen him look so....miserable and tired, all at once. He’d seen Peter close to death and revived from death but he’d never looked this defeated.

“Because....you’re Peter and I care about you.” Tony said, as if it were that simple.

“....I don’t deserve it.” He heard Peter mumble quietly, eyes fluttering shut once again.

Tony frowned and before he could think about, he sunk to his knees next to the bed and peered at Peter’s sleepy face up close.

“Why would say that?” He asked worriedly. Peter only shrugged and averted his fluttering eyes. He looked so innocent, curled up on the bed..so much like the boy he knew years ago that it made Tony’s chest hurt.

“I’m not very nice to you.” He whispered and Tony saw a trail of tears make it from the corner of his eye and soaking into the pillow case below. “I’m....not very nice to anyone.”

He wasn’t hiccuping or sobbing and somehow that made the trail of tears more disturbing and disheartening. Like Peter was somehow used to expelling his emotions at such a calm, collected rate.

Tony couldn’t resist reaching his hand out and petting at boys soft curls. His beautiful eyes blinked closed before opening again, something hazy and heavy settling in them.

“You’re the sweetest boy I’ve ever met, Pete.” He whispered, overwhelmed by his own emotions.

“Not a boy,” He muttered with a watery smile. “I’m an adult now.”

Ah. There he was, cheeky Peter Parker, smirking at him beneath a sheet of wet tears.

Tony leaned forward without thinking and pressed a kiss to his forehead, taking in the quick inhale it garnered from Peter’s shocked form.

“You’ll always be little Peter Parker to me.” He said with a smile. Peter’s face blushed bright red and he rubbed his cheek against his pillow, hiding one eye from view.

“Is that a bad thing?” He asked meekly, eyes fluttering sleepily.

“Of course not, you’re my favorite. You know that.” They were veering into dangerous territory, he knew. Hell, he’d already crossed the line by planting his lips on Peter’s forehead. 

Peter looked at him with a searching gaze. Like he wanted to say something but couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“What about the others?” He whispered like they were keeping a secret. “What about Pepper?”

Tony froze, hand stilling where it was petting at the nape of Peter’s neck.

“You’re always my favorite.” He said because he couldn’t lie to Peter, not when he looked like that. Not when he just cried in Tony’s guest bedroom and.....fuck, Tony was too deep in this.

Peter smiled then, big and bright and secret. Tony felt like his heart might burst any second.

He brushed his chocolate waves once more before retreating, standing slowly. He needed to leave before he made things even worse.

Peter disagreed, apparently. He whined immediately and reached grabby hands out toward Tony. He could barely keep his eyes open and yet, here he was demanding Tony’s constant attention.

It was unnervingly adorable.

“Please don’t go, you should- um, have a nap.” He said weakly, Adam thumping down on the bed. “Promise I’ll be good, won’t even touch.”

Tony laughed at that, unsure when they’d gotten to the point where they were actively admitting something was going on between them.

“Are you sure?” He asked and when Peter gave a sad little nod, pout in place, Tony knew he was already giving in.

He shuffled awkwardly underneath the covers and laid on his side, facing the young mans back. He kept a safe distance away, not wanting to put himself in a compromising position-

And Peter backed up abruptly, grabbing Tony’s hand with sleep weak fingers and dragging his arm over his slim waist. He gripped Tony’s palm between both of his hands and brought it to his chest, in a childlike gesture that made the older man melt.

“Stay here.” He mumbled petulantly. “Sleep better with you.”

Tony curled tighter around the boy and gave into the cloud of sleep hanging over them. Just a few hours and they’d be good to work some more...


	9. Ticking Timebomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is semi dark.
> 
> Warnings: panic attack, ptsd flashback, hints at abuse, slut shaming

Tony woke to the steady sound of Peter’s breathing. The boy was pressed into his side, skin cold even in his sleep. Tony thought vaguely that it might just be part of the spider genes.

His blinked his tired eyes open slowly and took in their surroundings. A quick glance at the watch around his wrist told him it was already 6 Pm and Tony almost bolted upward in a panic.

Instead he very calmly extracted himself from the bed, warily peeling Peter’s body parts away from his own and steadfastly ignoring the gnawing in his belly at the peaceful look on the younger mans face as he rests.

It’s then that he noticed the guest room door was open. And he definitely remembered closing it. The panic in his chest coiled into a tight ball and awaited release.

Tony stalked from the guest room, down the hallway, and into the kitchen.

Somehow he knew Pepper would be would waiting for him.

She sat alone at the kitchen table, face turned downward and a glass of what looked like scotch in hand. The panic grew tenfold.

He sat down without a word across from her and she finally glanced up at him, face impassive and tired looking.

“Are you fucking Peter?” She asked point blank. Her eyes were bloodshot and Tony wasn’t sure if she was going to cry or not. Pepper wasn’t much of a crier.

“No.” He said easily. It was true, anyway. He and Peter hadn’t done anything to be guilty about. “Peter and I’s relationship is completely professional.” 

That wasn’t completely true, he thought belatedly. He still felt like a liar, even if that hadn’t slept together.

A voice in his head supplied the word yet and he studiously blocked it out as Pepper eyed him warily.

“But you think about it, don’t you?” She asked, voice full of thinly veiled contempt.

“That’s- no, I don’t. Where is this coming from?” He sputtered, fully aware he sounded like he was trying to flip the situation.

“Sleeping in a bed with your assistant isn’t professional, Tony. I should know, I used to do the same thing.”

The accusation stung.

He gritted his teeth because he knew she was right. But it still felt odd for her to compare the two. When Pepper was his assistant, they had slept around together and ended up in each other’s beds but....Peter was different. Peter needed the help and needed to be comforted and Tony didn’t want to feel guilty for giving into that but he did.

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t sleep with everything that walks.” He snapped, nerves wearing thing at the woman’s calm demeanor. 

She finished the last of her scotch and sat the glass down with a loud clink.

“No, you just fall in love with every naive kid who gives you moon eyes.” She hissed, voice suddenly full with emotion.

Tony felt his blood turn cold.

“Take that back. He’s not naive and you know it.” He said in agitation.

Pepper laughed sardonically, hands gripping the edge of the glass breakfast table. “No, you’re right. You’re the naive one, looking for approval from a child.”

Tony felt his hackles rise, every negative thought he’d had in the past month was spewing out of his wife’s mouth.

“He isn’t a child.” He defended as Pepper snorted in false amusement. “He’s been through too much to be a child and for you to step on that and not give him credit is-“

“Save it,” She interrupted. “I don’t care anymore, Tony. This weird mid life crisis you’re having is....I don’t even know what to say.”

She sounded defeated and Tony felt even more so. The air was thick with an awkward tension. 

“You never defend me the way you defend him.” She whispered, finally extracting herself from her seat and gathering up her purse, movements slow.

“You don’t even....you don’t look at us the same. I noticed from the beginning and I thought maybe if he worked for you...maybe it was innocent and you’d be a little happier. I guess I should be glad that you’re happier?”

She walked to the door leading out of the kitchen and stopped. Tony didn’t follow her, he didn’t say a word. He knew deep down that everything she was saying was painfully right.

“I’m going to spend some time away from....here. My friend at work, Alex, offered to take me on a vacation and I said yes. He’s nice.....he defends me.” She said, one hand on the doorknob. She threw it out like the accusation Tony knew it was. 

“I love you, Tony but....we can’t keep doing this.” And with that she left, leaving Tony to stare at the glass table in frustration. He felt it building up in his system as the door clicked shut.

He wanted to slam doors, he wanted to throw something, he wanted to do anything to stop the hammering in his heart.

This wasn’t how he imagined any of this happening because he hadn’t imagined it happening at all. And how naive was that? How naive could he be to think he could flirt with Peter and egg the boys interest on, all the while his wife watched from the sidelines?

He couldn’t even deny it to her face because he knew it looked bad and everything had already unraveled so quickly. Too quickly for him to handle.

He heard soft footsteps pad into the kitchen and his heart filled with dread.

Peter stood in the entry way, sleep rumbled but beautiful. He stared at Tony for a few seconds and moved further into the room.

He eyed him with trepidation and Tony was unsure if he’d heard any of the previous argument.

“You should go back to bed.” Tony said carefully, like some kind of warning. Peter didn’t take the bait.

“Only if you come back. I’ll make it worth your while.” He tried to joke back, an uneasy smirk on his face. 

“Stop it.” Tony hissed, harsher than he’d meant. Peter’s eyes widened as he backed up a step even though Tony remained seated. 

“Why....why do you always do that?” He asked, words too thick in his mouth as his frustration mounted. 

Peter gaped at him, momentarily lost for speech but it was okay because suddenly Tony couldn’t stop talking.

“Why do you have to make things sexual? Why can’t you just....stop? You know I have a wife, you knew all along but you continue to....to..” He let out an exasperated huff and stared at the boy from across the room. “You continue to act like-“

Peter’s eyes looked shiny, jaw clenched as if he were in pain.

“Say it.” He said in a hiss, unnatural sounding in his usually sweet mouth. “I know you want to. Call me it.”

What? What did that even mean?

Tony grappled, confusion and annoyance warring inside his head. 

“What....what do you even want from me?” He asked in exasperation. “I don’t get why....what kind of game are your playing?” He wanted to plead with the other man but he couldn’t find the right way to say it.

Peter’s entire face was transforming eerily.

The younger mans eyes were unnervingly concentrated on him, almost unseeing. They looked distant in a way that made Tony distinctly uncomfortable. A familiar distant.

“Just get it over with,” Peter was breathing heavily, his small chest heaving in rough sounding gasps. Tony watched in alarm as his body tensed and untensed. “Call me a slut, call me a filthy fucking home wrecker. A tease. A whore. What do you want to call me, Tony? Go ahead, I’ve heard it before! They’re just words, you can’t hurt me with words!”

His voice was rushed and slurred, eyes wide and unblinking.

He watched on in horror as the younger man went into a full blown panic attack, pupils dilated and body shaking violently. 

He got up quickly and walked toward the other man, hands stretched out in warning. He was flabbergasted by Peter’s sudden mood change, just barely unable to connect the dots.

“Don’t touch me!” The boy shouted, backing away so fast that he knocked hard into the wall, shaking pictures frames in his wake. His arms came up to grip at each other, fingernails digging painfully into his skin as he huffed air out of his nose in a fast rate. “Please don’t-“

“Pete, you have to breathe slower. Slow down.” Tony whispered, heart thumping loudly in his chest as he held up consoling hands, too terrified to touch the shell shocked boy in front of him. “Let it out slow, alright?”

His sharp breathing didn’t ease any and he hyperventilated, loud noises wheezing from his lungs as he stared at Tony with wide, emotionless eyes. Familiar guilt bubbled up inside the older man. This was all his fault and-

Not right now. Right now, he needed to help Peter. Who looked on the verge of passing out and wouldn’t stop mumbling incoherent sentences.

“-ruin everything. You ruin everything. You ruin everything.” 

Tony knew what a ptsd flashback looked like. His eyes prickled as the boys body shook apart, tears falling unhindered down his cheeks. Tony knew exactly what a flashback looked like.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry- I’m so sorry-“ He kept gasping it like Tony wasn’t even in front of him and his knees gave out abruptly, body tumbling forward until Tony caught him around the middle, hand coming up to press against the back of his head.

A dam broke then and he let out an uncontrollably loud bawl, the sort of noise that reminds you of a wounded animal or a grieving loved one.

Tony had to choke back his own noise of distress as he hugged the now clinging boy closer to his own body. His face pressed into Tony’s neck as he sobbed wetly, hitching noises heaving from his smaller body.

Tony made hushing sounds, petting at his back and hair, trying desperately to calm the other man down as best as he could. 

What the fuck had happened to him? What had that Devin guy done to Peter to cause him to react like this? 

No wonder the boy was always reverting to sexuality to appeal to Tony, if this self hatred was just bubbling under the surface.

Tony felt a growing sense of anger bubble under the surface of his worry. He wasn’t really mad at Peter, he was only projecting his pent up frustration at the nearest target. He hadn’t expected this sort of reaction, had no clue he was dealing with a ticking time bomb.

Peters sobs had turned into soft hiccups by now, a good five minutes later and his arms held Tony tightly against him. He tensed up, body already withdrawing as he resurfaced from his panic attack. 

He pulled himself out of Tony’s arms rather quickly and his eyes were still alight with something.....uncomfortable, unsafe. His jaw was clenched and he looked wild.

“Can I....can I please take a shower?” He asked, voice hoarse as he rubbed roughy at his wet eyes and averted his gaze to stare blankly ahead.

Tony hid his surprise well. Why....? 

“....Sure.” He said, knowing they’d need to talk about this when the younger man returned. He just wanted to calm Peter down. He didn’t want to have to see him so distraught, ever again. Tony’s hands were shaking the tiniest bit. He ignored it.

“Do you want me to sit in with you?” He asked gently, unsure of how to go about helping.

He wanted to apologize for what he said but somehow felt that the moment was fragile and he wasn’t sure what Peter needed from him.

“No!” Peter replied, tone adamant with anxiety. “No....I uh, I wanna be alone.” He said, voice softer as he looked away and shuffled his feet.

Tony’s eyebrows knitted together, confusion and worry accompanying each other in his mind. He nodded instead, guiding Peter toward the nearest bathroom and helping him find a towel.

He left the shaking boy to his devices and found himself a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, this shit hits close to home with me so I’m warning you in advance, the next chapter will have some discussion of abusive situations.


	10. Wash It Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter because I wanted to show that abuse isn’t always cut and dry and there are small aspects to abusive relationships that don’t seem that bad until you’re out of the relationship and you can look back and go, oh shit. That was abusive. It gets so normalized in our brains and.....I just feel very strongly about it.
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings: talk of emotional manipulation and abuse. Verging on sexual abuse. Hints of cheating.

Tony sat stock still at his kitchen table, sipping slowly on a glass is scotch. 

Ironically it was the same glass that Pepper had used.

He heard the noise of cautious steps padding down the hallway and watched as Peter finally came into view, dressed in the same clothes as before. He looked calmer but Tony wasn’t sure if he was faking it or not.

The older man wanted to say something, wanted to apologize for the way he had acted-

“I don’t....I can’t shower with people anymore.” Peter said, shocking Tony for the umpteenth time that evening. 

The younger man sat down at the table and fidgeted with his hands. His damp hair dripped just slightly onto his shoulders.

“Not since he....it’s my alone time.” He said like it was simple. He wouldn’t meet Tony’s eye. “Sometimes he would follow me into the bathroom when I showered.”

Tony felt dread fill him as Peter drew a shaky breath. 

“Like....when I stayed with him, he couldn’t stand to be away from me? You know?”

Tony didn’t know. Peter gulped and continued.

“And he would....he’d come in and just watch me. He’d make me take my clothes off and just....stare. He’d just stare at me and tell me to turn this way and that and just kept staring at me and making comments about uh...about my body. He did that a lot, said he just wanted to look at me for a little while.”

Peter shivered and Tony had to restrain the anger boiling in his stomach.

“I think he did it to unsettle me. Make me uncomfortable and to...make me feel bad about myself. Dirty. And then I just....started taking scalding showers.” He gestured at the pink tint to his skin. “When I get like that....I can’t get clean. I can’t wash it off, the feeling. Like I’m....like he was right, I’m dirty and....and I can never get clean.”

Tony frowned at Peter, the surge of protectiveness taking over his body as he stared at big brown eyes, glassy with unshed tears. He had no idea how anyone could ever mistreat this boy, as sweet as he was.

“Anyway,” He sniffed. “I shower alone. Door locked. It’s just....how it is. I’m really sorry for.....for the attack and for flirting with you. I promise I’ll stop.”

He looked like a puppy then, ears rolled back and tail tucked between his legs. Tony hadn’t felt this endeared or protective over another person in a long time.

“You don’t have to stop.” Tony said, much to Peter’s surprise. “And I won’t ever make you talk about your past but....I’m sorry you went through that, Peter. You deserve better than that.”

The boy looked shocked beyond words.

“I um....I’m still sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to mess up your marriage, I promise.” Tony almost gave him a sarcastic look at that one. He refrained when Peter only looked more distressed. “I really didn’t want to! I just....fuck, you make me nervous and I can’t stop myself from doing stupid things around you and-and I’m so fucking sorry.”

He looked like he might cry again and Tony couldn’t have that, not when it hurt so badly to watch him.

“Come here,” He said instead, gesturing for Peter to stand in front of him. The boy quickly obeyed, shuffling awkwardly to hover by Tony’s chair.

Much to his surprise, Tony reached for his hand and tugged him down into his lap, knees folded and bracketing Tony’s own thighs. 

He cupped Peter’s face in his hands, staring into wide eyes. He looked much calmer now but Tony could feel the heat coming off his body in waves.

“You shouldn’t take such hot showers, you’ll end up hurting yourself.” He said as Peter’s hands fidgeted on his chest. The tension in his body amped back up at the implication but Tony kept him from getting up by attaching soft hands to his narrow hips. 

“Peter. If you’re trying to hurt yourself, we need to talk.” He said in what he hoped was a stern voice. The boy in his lap gulped and averted his eyes.

“It’s not....I’m not like that.” He said with insistence. “It’s like I said, when I feel dirty and....bad, I just don’t know what else to do. It’s the only thing that calms me down.”

He looked honest so Tony decided to let it go for now. It wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism but there was definitely worse things he could be doing.

“You’re so beautiful.” The older man said without prompting. Because he had wanted to say it for so long. “Every part of you is beautiful, Peter. Please don’t ever let anyone make you think it isn’t.”

The boy looked surprised and awed as he stared at Tony with an open mouth.

“I’m not....I ruined your marriage or...I caused problems and Pepper probably hates me now. Why don’t you hate me?” He said with a frown.

Tony smiled sadly. “I don’t think anyone can really hate you.”

Peter snorted and looked away. Tony sighed.

“I’m not a cheater,” The older man said. “So...this has to wait until I’ve figured things out with Pepper. But I want you to know, I haven’t been happy for awhile. She hasn’t either. So...it was inevitable.”

Peter’s face looked heartbreakingly hopeful as he nodded fast.

“I understand if after all the hassle, you don’t want an old man hanging around-“

Lips pressed into his as shock coursed through his veins. He reacted immediately, hands coming up to softly grip the back of Peter’s neck. Their mouths pressed together slickly, a needy moan bubbling up from Peter’s chest as Tony licked into his parted lips.

He pulled back abruptly, pressing Peter backward to separate their groins.

So much for the not cheating thing.

“I’m sorry.” Peter said, although he didn’t look sorry at all. “I’ll respect you now, I just...I really wanted to do that. You’re not that old, so shut up. I like you plenty.”

Tony’s heart swelled and he let out a rough cough before he could do something stupid, like cry in front of the pretty boy sitting in his lap.

“Pete,” He said, tone serious as the boy smiled at him. “I won’t make you talk about anything....but I’m always here, okay? And if you don’t mind, I’d like to know his name. His full name.”

The smile slipped off Peter’s face. For a second, Tony thought he was going to get mad at him. He looked defeated instead. 

“You’re not gonna like it.” He whispered, as if the words had a hard time getting out. “You’re gonna think I’m stupid. Was stupid.”

Tony peered at him, trying to catch his eye.

“Baby, I could never think less of you. I promise I won’t do anything bad.” He said as gently as possible.

Peter got a weird look on his face then, eyes squinting oddly.

“You couldn’t even if you....never mind. Devin Albright. He was...is....Devin Albright.” He sounded nervous and shaky, exhausted from the events of the night.

Tony pressed a kiss to his forehead and just like that, the tension melted out of his boys body.

“Thank you.” He breathed into the skin as he wrapped strong arms around Peter’s small frame.

They both knew that by tomorrow Tony would know everything he could about Devin Albright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The nature of Devin and Peter’s relationship actually makes the context of this chapter a lot creepier. *hint hint*


	11. Devin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: discussion of past abuse, allusions to child molestation, assault

He and Pepper had only spoken through texts over the past few days, stilted conversations about when they would meet to discuss their imminent divorce.

Tony had honestly been afraid she would change her mind again. It wouldn’t be the first time one of the them had brought up the idea of a divorce, just to end up backing out at the last second.

Then again they both weren’t having affairs at those times.

She was mad at him still, he knew. He couldn’t really blame her for that. Finding your spouse sleeping in a bed with someone half their age is probably....not great feeling.

Tony didn’t feel much about the fact that she was seeing someone. It didn’t hurt, at all really. It felt like it was time, time to just give in and give up.

It didn’t feeling like giving up though, it felt like a new beginning. Despite the fact that he and Peter’s relationship was off to a rocky start. They both had inner demons and miles of baggage but....he made Tony feel something Pepper never made him feel.

He wanted to be happy with Peter. He wanted to at least try.

He also thought briefly about having Peter visit his therapist, as he knew damn well the boy had probably never even considered therapy.

Somehow, he thought maybe Peter would not appreciate the suggestion. But that was a mountain they would need to climb when they got to it.

For now, Tony had research to do. He had a little time to kill before Peter would arrive for work and...he hadn’t seen the boy in a few days, as he had decided he wanted to visit his Aunt. Tony knew it was because of the stress and....he hoped it helped.

So, he set up at the computer in his lab and took a deep breath, readying himself.

It didn’t take much searching for Tony to find what he needed. The man wasn’t well hidden or anything.

Devin Albright. 55 years old. 

Birth - 1966  
Death - 2021

That couldn’t be right. Tony stared at the screen in muted shock. That couldn’t be right. Devin Albright was....dead. He’d died just a year ago.

He searched further.

Devin Albright was a highly classed Political Science Professor at MIT. He had two divorces during his years of teaching, where he went from working at an NYC high school for the gifted, to MIT. 

Peter had been sleeping with his professor, that much was clear. Tony wasn’t one to judge these sort of situations too quickly but given the mans age, he had to wonder if the arrangement was consensual or not. Had it begun consensual and then......no. No, he couldn’t think about that. Besides, it’s not like he himself was young.

He clicked through more pages.

Tony felt his heart sink at what he found.

Criminal files. Police reports. Cases filed against the teacher by numerous parents and.....and children.

There was so many of them.

Devin Albright, committed to Edgecombe correctional facility in 2020 for assault and battery, sexual relationships with minors, paraphernalia of minors. The list went on as Tony read in horror.

Peter had dated this man. Peter had slept with this man.

His mugshot showed a haggard looking face that had perhaps once been handsome, lined with wrinkles. He had thick black hair, greying at the tips.

His face was twisted into a smile that sent a chill through Tony’s bones.

Devin Albright committed suicide in 2020, shortly after his imprisonment.

Tony wanted to scream, he wanted to punch something. He wanted to beat the living shit out of this man who had swindled his way out of the repercussions to his disgusting actions. 

Mostly he just wanted to hold Peter. What else had this monster done to him? He had a feeling Peter was lightening what he’d told him so far. 

It explained so much about the way Peter acted and his sudden panic attack. He had dated a real life monster and....oh fuck. Tony looked at the dates again.

It had to have been when Peter first went to school. When he was 17.

Tony felt his eyes tear up as he closed the browser windows, unwilling to read anymore.

Peter had been seventeen. Young and innocent and too kind for the world around him. Peter had just fucking died and come back to life, he’d spent the entire summer redoing courses just so he could go to Uni early because he was so excited to be getting a second chance and....and....

This man. He took advantage of that. He saw Peter, probably, and took in how enthusiastic he was to please people and he....he just used him.

Tony felt sick to his stomach and now he understood why Peter had warned him. He wasn’t happy, he was so fucking infuriated. But never with Peter, who was sweet and too trusting for his own good.

He had to....he needed to see him. 

As he had the thought, he heard the elevator ding just outside the lab and in strolled Peter. It must have been later in the afternoon than Tony realized.

Tony stood at the end of one counter, gripping the edge loosely. He felt like the ground would disappear from under his feet. Something must have shown on his face because Peter didn’t even say anything as he walked closer to him, sitting his bag down on the way.

He stopped two feet from him, gulping in a stressful way.

“You found him, didn’t you?” He asked, voice barely a whisper. His gaze dropped to the floor.

“He’s....he’s dead?” Tony asked.

Peter flinched back a little at the question, body going tense as he gripped his forearms.

“He’s....yeah, he killed himself. Fucking hung himself with some shoelaces not long after they caught him.” Tony couldn’t see Peter’s eye but he knew he was tearing up, could tell from the sound of his breathing.

“And it’s.....it isn’t fair.” He said, empathizing the word fair as he looked at Tony again, eyes unblinking and tormented. “It’s not fair that he got to go away and forget and, and I just get to...I get to have the nightmares and the guilt and he doesn’t even have to rot for it.”

Tony’s heart felt ripped in two because he couldn’t imagine how it must feel for your abuser to finally be punished, only to worm his way out again.

“I’m so sorry, Pete-“

“It’s not fair! And I wasn’t...I didn’t tell anyone what he did to me and I could have and I didn’t know what he did to...to all those kids, Tony. I had no idea, I promise- I, I would never have...and, and I was too scared.” His face was wet, covered in tears as he shook in place and Tony wanted to hold him but he didn’t want to scare the boy.

“It’s so stupid. I was an idiot. I could have easily hurt him but I....I didn’t, I just let him do all these sick things to me and the most fucked up part is I, I thought he loved me. He told me he loved me and I let him hurt me and it’s my fault those kids-“

His breathing was so jagged, Tony had to interrupt.

“It’s not your fault, Peter. None of it is. You don’t owe anybody your story, your trauma.” The boys mouth hung open as he planted and wiped at the tear tracks on his face. “You did nothing wrong. You put your trust in someone who didn’t deserve it and I’m sorry...I’m so sorry I wasn’t around to help you.”

Peter flung himself at him then, arms wrapping tight around the other man as he sobbed. He looked so worn out, Tony was sure he was having a rough time reliving all of this. He’d bring up therapy later, he had to eventually. He couldn’t allow Peter to keep living like this, tortured and pretending to be okay.

He kissed the boys head and allowed him to cry.


	12. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayoooo it’s me dropping in with a small update. I’m trying really hard to write and catch up with all my unfinished shit (sorry y’all I’m the worst) so here’s some Emotional Adulting for you.
> 
> Psst...tell me if there’s any mistakes y’all know I barely beta anything

Tony woke to the sun streaming through the window in stripes that painted the room golden.

Peter was still asleep, peaceful in a way that made the older mans heart clench. His hair was an absolute mess as he curled into himself across from Tony on the expansive bed. He would have looked like a sleeping angel, still did but the addition of black bags underneath his eyes and the chapped pink of his face ruined the innocent nature.

Tony felt a small string of guilt, despite knowing that the boys tears the night before had not been his own fault. If he hadn't been so depressed after Titan and after...everything, maybe he would have spent more time with Peter. Deterred him from any one of the number of things that set his path astray in the first place.

But maybe that was the point. Tony could never love in increments. He was an overwhelming person and...he had Peter now. Sort of. In whatever capacity the boy should decide he'd have him. But that wasn't for now, that was for another time. After he finalized his inevitable divorce from Pepper.

The anxiety reached a higher spike because in reality, should he even be moving onto another relationship immediately after one was ruined? How was that fair to Peter? Or Pepper? That would just be selfish of him, always getting what he wanted.

And even if he was technically retired from being Iron Man, he still had a company to run. How would they feel about him dating a twenty something man who had once been the mentor of? Who people know had disappeared in space with him? How would they even paint that??

And not to mention how the media would treat Pete or how they'd treat Pepper. Tony deserved the rude words and hate, sure. He'd done enough bad in his lifetime to deserve more than some tabloid fodder about how much of a creep he is. But Pepper and Peter didn't deserve it, not at all.

And why exactly would Peter even want to be with an old man who couldn't keep his own head on straight?

"I can hear you panicking from behind my eyelids."

Tony almost jumped out of his skin as Peters sleep roughened voice whispered between them.

His eyes fluttered open, long lashes parting to reveal beautiful brown eyes. Tony would never tire of the undeserved admiration that gleamed in them at any given time when Peter trained his gaze on him.

"What's going on in here?" Peter asked, lifting a hand to sluggishly poke at Tony's temple before running a hand through the mans greying hair. 

Tony let out a gust of air he hadn't realized he'd been holding in.

"Are you okay?" He asked, instead of answering Peter's question. "After last night....I was worried. I didn't want you to feel like...like I forced you to talk about him."

Peter's eyebrows furrowed together adorably as he stared back at Tony with bleary eyes.

"You didn't force me to talk about anything," He said, open and honest. "I told you because I wanted to. I just didn't know- I wasn't sure how to bring it up and I was scared to."

Tony nodded only a small amount, trying to choose his next words lightly.

"I would never judge you for being scared, Pete. I get it. Plus, it's the least I owe you," He said. "For everything."  
For some reason, his words didn't make Peter smile. In fact, the boy frowned more than before.

"You don't....Tony, you don't owe me anything," He said with a puzzle expression that made Tony's stomach dip low. "You don't...think that, do you?"

For once, the older man was lost for words. Too deep in his own guilt to really think of a way to answer the boy across from him.

"Is that why...is that why you do so much for everyone? For the other Avengers? Because you think you owe it to us?" 

Smart boy.

The unspoken "is that why you buy people's happiness" hung in the air between them.

Still, Peter didn't sound angry. He mostly sounded sad.

"Don't I?" Tony asked, voice void of any real emotion. He wasn't feeling particularly self pitying. It was just a fact. He'd caused a lot of trouble and the least he could do was try and help those around him in one of the only ways he really could. 

"No," Peter said, voice soft and adamant. "You don't owe me shit, Tony. That's not- I get that you're Iron Man and everything that comes with that but- it's not- you're a lot more than that."

The conviction in his voice made Tony's heart thumb loud in his chest. 

"I like taking care of people," He cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the emotions stuck in his chest. "You mostly. I couldn't before and I-"

"That's not your fault," Peter interrupted, as if his words weren't a bullet to Tony's chest. "Me dying wasn't your fault and he...he wasn't your fault, either. I made a dumb mistake and-"

"I shouldn't have dropped you the way I did, I should have- I should have stuck around and actually talked to you and-" Tony felt weirdly frantic even as his voice remained calm. He'd never wanted to apologize more profusely in his life.

"Tony, I've never once blamed you for anything that happened to me," Peter whispered, the fight leaving his body abruptly. "I wouldn't- and anyway- How can you not know? You have to know. You're a genius."

It was Tony's turn to stare at the boy, puzzled beyond belief even as his body still tried to calm his internal panic. Why did Peter sound so nervous?

"Know what?"

Peter let out the ghost of laugh, glancing away awkwardly as he burrowed his head deeper into his pillow.

"I've always had feelings for you, in a roundabout way," He confessed.

Oh.

Tony wasn't sure why the confession surprised him. He wasn't even sure what to say in response. 

"And sure, at first it was because you were Iron Man and- and I was sort of helpless to your charm. But um, it just never went away and then it morphed and got worse and...look, even after everything...I still had those feelings. Have those feelings." 

Peter's face was pink, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Tony had never seen anything more endearing. 

"But uh- I just, I want you to know- it's not because your Iron Man or because you're rich or even because you're ridiculously attractive. You're also, um, you're just....you're so smart and kind and...and brave. So." 

Tony tried hard to voice his appreciation, his absolute admiration for the other man.

What came out instead was, "You're making it incredibly hard to not kiss you right now."

Peter's face, pink blush and all, lit up into a bright smile. The flutter in Tony's heart in response was only mildly alarming. 

"Then stop trying," He said, wiggling his body closer in what he probably thought was a subtle move.

Tony pressed forward, curling a gentle hand on the boys neck before their lips met. Peter let out the smallest of whimpers as their mouths moved in tandem, his pink tongue darting out to play at the seam of Tony's lips.

Pretty soon they were breathing heavily into each other's mouths, teeth biting freely into kisses that stole both of their air supply away.

Peter's hands were somehow buried in Tony's hair, pulling at the strands as he whined at the older mans frenzied actions.

Tony had to try hard not to smooth his hands down Peter's sides, the way he desperately wanted to.

It was just as Peter attempted to hike his leg onto Tony's hip that the older man to decided to put a stop to their actions.

"No- we can't, that's uh-" He gulped and pulled back, pressing a gentle hand to Peter's chest, warm even through the thin tshirt he slept in. "We should slow down."

Peter's big brown eyes looked forlorn in a way that Tony was having a hard time not giving into.

He nodded anyway, trying to catch his breath as he dropped back down onto his pillow.

"You're right," He gasped, rubbing a hand tiredly over his face. The gesture was so serious that Tony was mildly worried for a second before Peter let out a frustrated whining noise. "I'm sorry, you're just- god, you're so fucking hot."

He laughed then, stretching his long neck back to stare incredulously at the ceiling.

Tony couldn't help but smirk. 

"I'm old as hell, Pete." He snarked back, turning to lay on his own back.

"Yeah, old and fucking hot." Peter joked, giggling some more. “But uh....I get it. I know we can’t...we can’t rush into anything. I wouldn’t want to.”

Tony was once again stunned by the boys emotional maturity, especially when compared to his own.

He drifted his hand down to bed the between in between them, cupping Peter’s hand in his and own and lacing their fingers.

“I really....I really want to figure things out with, you know,” Tony confessed. It felt easier to talk when they weren’t face to face and he only hand his ceiling to contend with. Peter squeezed his hand softly, a silent plea to continue. “I just...I gotta do all this with Pepper and I’m scared that we’ll rush into things and I don’t...I’d rather not lose you again, Pete.”

He felt Peter shift beside him but maintained eye contact with his ceiling. 

“You never lost me, not really.” The boy said, soft like a secret. “Or....I never lost faith in you. During college, I just...I had to stop hoping you’d call and I reasoned that it was because you were so busy or you were struggling. Maybe both. And even....even when I died. Even when I was There. I...I knew you’d save me, you know. I just knew somehow and-and that kept me from losing it, I think.”

Tony’s eyes felt wet and he refused to blink and acknowledge how they filled with tears at Peter’s words. Words he never knew he needed to hear.

“But you could never really lose me, so....um, are you gonna say something?” He sounded so nervous that Tony couldn’t help it, his body moving fast like lightning, crushing their mouths together in a soft kiss.

It didn’t last long, despite the heat building in Tony’s stomach that protested when he parted ways. Peter had that stunned look on his face again, brown eyes glassy and hooded.

“Thank you,” Tony whispered, pecking the boys lips again. 

Peter seemed to understand everything he couldn’t say with words.


	13. Creating Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my desperate attempt to add more to this story lol
> 
> I'm trying to make Tony a little happier, get a little more help. so we'll see that more often, also more about peter and his struggles soon. I'm not sure if I want to do peters pov or not in this story but it's possible that i might eventually

The thing about taking things slow with Peter is it's incredibly hard to take things slow with Peter.

And sure, they hadn't really had another heart to heart since their morning makeout session a week ago. In fact, Tony hasn't really even seen much of Peter since the Devin incident.

They had had breakfast together, a happy affair as they sat on Tony's bedroom balcony and ate cereal, per Pete's request. The previous day had been so mentally draining that the both of them had decided to silently forgo discussing anything of real importance. Tony knew they had time, they would get to it eventually.

And he wanted to offer Peter everything he had, instead of just offering him the shell of a man going through a divorce. Peter definitely deserved better but for some odd reason, he had his sights set for Tony and couldn't be argued with. And maybe Tony didn't really want to convince him to not want him. A small part of him wanted to blindly accept the boys affection for what it was. But he was also so terrified of the implications and whether or not he would disappoint someone who had become so unbelievably important to him. Tony was already sick of disappointing people in this lifetime.

And he disagreed with Peter's assessment that he could follow Tony into the dark, so to speak. The boy had said he could do nothing to run him away and Tony highly doubted that. He wasn't a good man and..........why was he fighting this so hard, even in his own mind?

What was the point of rehashing every single anxiety he had, when Peter wasn't a perfect human being either? Sure, he was nearly an angel in Tony's eyes but to say he was perfect would be to completely erase the problems the other man had faced. And that would be completely unfair.

Peter had been through more than most kids his age could even think up in a nightmare. Plus, he probably did have nightmares on top of it all and....yeah, Tony would do anything to save Peter. He'd do anything to keep him from feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. But he hadn't been there and maybe he just needed to cope with the fact that the past was the past and there was nothing he could do to change it. He could only protect Peter for now on, care for him in the only ways Tony knew how.

And anyway, Tony had enough to worry about at the moment without trying to factor in his own self deprecating brand of anxiety.

He was meeting up with Pepper this week to talk about...filing their divorce. It still felt like a hit, weirdly enough. Not because he harbored too many feelings for his wife, no that ship had long since sailed. But because it was just another thing to add to his ongoing list of person short comings. Or maybe he was looking at it the wrong way.

Sometimes these things were inevitable and maybe it really couldn't be helped that he and Pepper grew apart. Tony knew he held a large part of the blame but he was finding it harder and harder everyday to shoulder that blame like some kind of growing tumor, intent on eating him alive with guilt that he had somehow let another person down.

He had definitely let Pepper down. He had done so many times throughout their long, storied history together. But maybe he wasn't the sole factor. Not to blame Pepper for anything, not that at all. But. It was possible that Tony's soulful martyr complex was starting to wear thin on his own mind, just the way it had every one of his counterparts over the years. He was just.....tired. He was so tired, to put it simply.

He missed his friends, even as they attempted to pull him from his own mind. He missed being around the people that loved him, that he knew loved him deep down despite his flaws. And even though he knew he had done so much to hurt them in the past, he thought he just might be ready to put it behind him and finally get the help that he desperately needed.

He just had to stop avoiding his issues and confront them head on and.....he wasn't a fool. Deep down he knew what the catalyst to all of this was and it started with one Peter Parker. The push that pulled him from the deep end.

He was probably moving too fast in his own mind, determined to meet his own bad fate until the bloody end. But he really couldn't bring it upon himself to care very much, not when Peter's smile lit up a room so brightly. Not when he could find the beauty in Peter even as he relayed his ugly past to him.

No, Pepper and he had come to and end and that was fine. It would be fine because Tony was never truly alone, despite what his mind would have him think at times. He would do what he could to make it up to her and in turn, to settle his own mind and accept that sometimes you can't change the hand you're dealt.

\--

The thing about avoiding Peter is it's incredibly hard considering the kid is his assistant now. He had managed to hold Peter off for a few days, offering him some time off. He'd used some excuse, saying he personally needed time off. Which was true, sure. He needed some time alone to think and....just be alone, really. But he'd also been pretty worried about Peter and he didn't wanted the boys judgement to be clouded by being around him constantly.

It was kind of a moot point now, however. 

Tony stood in his lab, positioned in front of a robotic arm that he was attempting to reconfigure. New implants for amputees, a Stark venture into medical technology. He enjoyed the cathartic of rewiring a project, getting his hands dirty. It helped space his mind out, helped him feel clearer and more focused on one task at a time.

Problem was, Peter was already making the whole thing a little harder than usual. Harder probably wasn't a good word.

But it fit.

Just like Peter's clothes fit criminally well, tight to his body in a way that was supremely distracting to Tony as he watched the boy fill out paperwork for him. He'd feel bad about giving him lackey work but....someone had to do it and Tony wasn't about to.

Peter had shown up that morning with a bright smile and a coffee in hand, despite the fact that Tony had a top of the line machine in his own home. But the coffee was still good and it was worth it to see the happy little look on Pete's face when he thanked him. They'd avoided touching each other, for obvious reasons. But he could still feel the tension surrounding them.

He had thought maybe some of it would dissipate over time, now that they both had put their feelings out in the open. Mostly. Tony still needed to work on how to word and speak his own but...he was sure Peter had some clue as to what he felt for him.

No, the tension was almost unbearable now as he watched Peter pencil something in the margins of his paper, his brow furrowed adorably. Tony felt his heart give a lurch as the boy bit at the end of his eraser, his pink lips pursing in thought.

"I can feel you staring from over here," Peter said, sudden enough that Tony's hand slipped and he pricked his thumb on the tool he was using.

"Fuck-" He cursed, sucking the tip of his finger into his mouth as Peter rushed toward him, face white as a sheet. What...?

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry, let me see-" Peter pulled Tony's hand into his own, standing only a foot away and crowded into the older mans space. His face was alright with worry and Tony realized he must have seen him cut his hand. He felt his face turn the slightest bit red at the knowledge that the boy was so worried about such a tiny cut.

"I'm all good, Pete," He said softly, eyes intent on the boys anxiety ridden features as he examined Tony's hand for injury. "It's just a small one, I've had worse."

He smiled the younger man then, a gentle thing that had Peter staring right back at him for a beat too long, clutching his hand weakly between his own. His hands felt so small against only one of Tony's dwarfing them in comparison. It was something Tony didn't really want to acknowledge.

Peter gulped, the long line of his throat moving tantalizingly. But when did he not appeal to Tony in some way or another?

"I just...I'm sorry, if I distracted you," He said, voice weak despite the focus his gaze held on Tony's own. 

"You're always a little distracting," Tony admitted without really intending to. The corners of Peter's mouth twitched up at that, an infuriatingly cute gesture that Tony wanted desperately to roll his eyes at. "I meant you're always trying your hardest to distract me. From my work. Which is what I should be doing."

Peter's smile had turned into something mischievous and god, Tony wanted to kiss the look right off his face. 

"Sure, sure," Peter said with a giggle, looking down as his eyelashes spread across pink cheeks. He was so painfully beautiful, it hit Tony somewhere deep in the chest. "I wouldn't want to take you away from your work, I'm such an evil person. What are you gonna do with me?"

Tony had a lot of answers for the playful question and none of them were appropriate. He knew Peter could tell too, based on the glint in his pretty brown eyes.

"Okay. Alright," Tony took a deep breath, chuckling as he backed up from the looming threat in front of him. "I'm gonna back away and you're gonna go back to your seat and we're going to behave."

If he somehow thought that was going to make Peter less turned on, he was dead wrong. The boys pupils only expanded more as a full shiver wracked over his body.

"That was.....unfair," He joked back, biting his lip and...what was unfair? Tony felt like he was missing something. "But I'll behave, if that's what you want."

The way Peter said it....Oh.

Oh.

Suddenly it was getting a whole lot harder to not touch Peter and Tony's resolve was about ready to snap. But Peter pulled back first, walking right back to his seat and sitting down to get back to work. 

Tony shook himself free over the reign the boy had temporarily held on him. How could someone so small be so unknowingly powerful? and Tony didn't even mean the whole Spidey strength thing. No, Peter Parker was much stronger than Spidey could ever hope to be.

Tony gave the boy one last look, laughing when he winked right back at him, before getting back to his own work.

 

\--

Pepper gave him a call two days later and it's uncomfortable to say the least. There isn't much discourse for how to deal with divorce proceedings and Tony knew that they were rushing the whole process but he couldn't really blame Pepper for wanting to get the whole ordeal over with. She's a busy person.

So he wasn't shocked when she was short with him. It still didn't feel great, not exactly, but he understood..

"-got an interview with a new district manager next Wednesday, so I can't meet then. Do you think Thursday will be alright?"

Tony wanted to check in his with his assistant but that might have been kind of weird, all things considered. So he just went with his gut, if he had anything important that day it could be postponed to a later date. 

"That sounds fine, Pep." He winces at the nickname, belated discomfort filling him as he realizes how awkward he's acting already. "How is uh....Nick?" He wasn't even trying to be a smartass, he just genuinely couldn't remember the guys name.

Pepper sighed, a predictably tired noise. "It's Alex. And he's good, Tony. We really don't have to this whole small talk thing."

He felt weird about that. Kind of bereft, a little bit of that coldness from before drifting back into him. It wasn't the same as when he was desperately trying to fix things with Pepper. No, this felt closer to the feeling of losing a long time friend. Which Tony was unfortunately very familiar with.

"....Okay. Yeah, you're right," He tried to keep any amount of pain out of his voice. He didn't want Pepper to get the wrong idea. "Thursday is perfect, I'll see you there."

"Tony," Pepper sighed because of course she had been able to pick up on his dejected tone. Of course. "I'm not trying to-"

"I uh- I gotta go. Sorry, Pep, got a lot of calls to make. Gotta make sure my lawyer doesn't still hate me," The joke fell flat, probably because Tony's lawyer definitely still hated him. Try dealing with years of lawsuit threats and a client who was constantly in danger. Tony understood why the man wasn't fond of him.

He hung up before she could reply, feeling an odd sense of relief as he was met with silence.

He just wasn't sure how to manage anyone's expectations, let alone his own. And he realized it wasn't his job to do that for Pepper anymore. He couldn't control what she thought about him or how she reacted. 

And that realization helped him pick up his phone, intent on texting Peter to see if he wanted to help him with a piece of robotics he was stumped on. Creating his own happiness, that was Tony's next task.


	14. A Slip Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big ol daddy negotiation for you in this short chapter.
> 
> I’m sorry I’m the worst
> 
> Warning for panic attack and discussion of past abuse. Also for Peter having a hair pin trigger because he’s young and has sensory overload problems and I don’t need to explain myself

The entire morning had been disastrous and Tony just wanted to get his meeting with Pepper and Co over with. But if there was one thing he had learned in his years of legal fielding and board meetings, anything involving a lawyer took fucking forever.

And Tony was already keyed up. He'd been working on different projects all week, with Peter by his side and...okay, he was just a little frustrated. Not at Peter, never at Peter.

He just felt so out of his own element, still and he had no idea if it'd get better or he'd adapt. All those people who thought he was some kind of sex God must have been laughing at him in secret now. 

And anyway, he had arrived late to the divorce proceedings and this time it wasn't even intentional. So Pepper was already mad at him, which wasn't exactly uncommon but...today she wasn't afraid to show it.

"I just want to make sure that my position at the company isn't withdrawn, in any circumstance-"

"I wouldn't do that," Tony interrupted, feeling oddly offended even if he likely had no right to be. Just....why would she assume that? Was he really that untrustworthy?

Pepper sat across from him, dressed in a smart two piece suit that made her look like business personified. Always the professional, through and through.

Pepper eyed him up without much emotion, the same look depicted in the lawyer by her side. 

Their whole encounter was intensely awkward and Tony was pretty used to fielding uncomfortable situations. But how does one discuss their prenup asset handoff without it being awkward?

"I know that you think you wouldn't, Tony-" He wanted to scoff. Did she not even know him after all these years? "But I also want security and I don't want our past getting in the way of my career."

He knew she was only being reasonable but that didn't stop the annoyance from seeping in.

Tony bit back a snide remark about how of course the important part was her career, it always had been. Despite the fact that she had made him shed his own like a bad taste. 

He wouldn't say that because he knew it wasn't fair and mostly untrue. Mutual blame was a concept he was trying to work on these days. All a part of being a better, happier person. Or so his therapist told him.

"I won't do anything to compromise your career," He said, voice dull in a sarcastic way. "It'd be a lot of paperwork for me anyway."

He could almost hear his own lawyer snicker which hey, maybe the guy didn't hate him so much anymore. Point one to Tony.

Pepper didn't look so amused.

"That's good to know, I know how much you hate paperwork." Well, he wasn't the only one who could be petty.

Tony wanted to roll his eyes but tactfully refrained.

"Where do I sign?" He asked his lawyer, in leu of continuing their weird anger/intimidation stare off.  

The papers came out and just like that, Tony began signing off years of his life. It felt....odd. Not bad but....another weight to add to his own failures.

Tony would keep his properties of course, while maintaining a place of Peppers choosing (one of New York homes he rarely visited). She hadn't wanted any of his money, only to keep her job and for him to not have any leeway in the people she hired.

It was simple, cut and dry and Tony realized that maybe he'd gotten off easy in all of this. Anyone who wasn't Pepper would have taken him for everything he was worth but....that didn't make him feel much better.

It just made him feel more guilty.

—

The ride down on the elevator was....awkward. It was awkward, to say the least. Somehow they had ended up in the same elevator. Alone.

Tension filled silence ensued.

"How's Peter?" Pepper asked and although her tone was indifferent, Tony still felt his heckles rise.

"Why do you think I would know?" He asked, tensely.

Pepper gave him a look as the elevator gave one last ding.

"I'm not stupid, Tony. I just assumed you were officially together now. Just....don't fuck it up. He doesn't deserve that." She parted ways with him, already walking to her car in the nearly empty parking garage.

And she was right. Of course she was right.

—

Peters in the middle of an animated story about his day when Tony let's the question slip.

They're sitting alone in Tony's living room, cuddling on the couch with Peters feet in his lap and....he couldn’t stop himself.

"Did he know you were Spider-Man?"

Peter's smart. Too smart for his own good sometimes and so, it took him mere seconds to realize what Tony was asking.

He still paused for an elongated amount of time, though.

"No, he didn't," He admitted quietly, not really looking at Tony, who was instantly regretting his lack of filter. He didn't like the way his question made Peter deflate. "I was um...I wasn't that dumb, actually."

He let out a self deprecating laugh that made Tony's chest clench.

Before he could reassure Peter, he drove on.

"I just....I didn't have the time to in the beginning. I was too excited about...something new and it was different and taboo and he...he wooed me." Another unamused chuckle. "As time went on, I just kept psyching myself out. And then I found he wasn't really fond of...of mutants. So I avoided it, pretended it didn't exist and felt like shit every time I went out on patrol. I dunno why I felt so bad. I was lying about being a freak of nature and he was hitting me, whose the bad guy there?"

Tony stared at the boys slumped form, smoothing a comforting hand from the arch of his foot and over his leg until it rested below his kneecap, warm through his jeans.

"You're not a freak....or bad," Tony said, voice honest and soft even as Peters eyes shifted away. "And you've never been dumb, Pete. I'm sorry he treated you like that, made you feel like you need to hide."

Peters face looked a little less stormy the more Tony talked. That was good. That had to be a good sign.

"You never have to hide around me. About anything. You know that, right?" Tony knew he probably sounded needy but he couldn't help himself, not worth how he kept getting glances of dejected Peter.

Peter smiled at him, a sad little thing.

"I know," He whispered, voice lilting childishly. "The same goes for you. Don't think I didn't notice you're avoiding talking about your divorce."

Tony winced a little at that, even given Peters carefully chosen playful tone. He could see the concern in his boys eyes and he hated being the cause of it.

"To be honest....there's not too much to talk about," Tony admitted, although he wasn't sure if he was lying or not. On one hand, he wasn't too deeply bothered by the divorce in and of itself but...then he'd get down on himself and worry about how he couldn't keep a relationship together and Pepper was right and...

"Is that why you look so stressed?" Peter asked, eyes raking Tony up and down in a not so subtle way.

"I'm not," He couldn't help but chuckle at Peters glare. God, he was already giving into him. "Pepper might have said something about you..."

Peter raised an eyebrow, cautious curiosity lighting his features as he sat up and slid over to Tony, sliding smoothly into the mans lab in a way only a human spider could do.

He wrapped his arms around Tony's neck and looked him in the eye, blinking his long lashes disconcertingly at the older man. 

"And what did she say?" The boy asked carefully, voice only slightly dark around the edges as Tony settled gentle hands on his hips. 

"That you deserved better, basically. That I shouldn't screw this up," He admitted, the confession reinvigorating  the guilt he felt inside.  "I probably will."

Peter smiled, oddly enough, his pearly white teeth gleaming at Tony as he ran soft singers over the mans beard, cupping his jaw.

"I deserve you, you deserve me. I don't care what anyone says. I won't let you screw this up," He sounded so convicted that Tony couldn't stop the grin on his own face. "I just got you and I....I don't wanna let you go."

Their mouths were already so close, hovering over one another as they shared words.

"You don't have to, you won't have to," Tony whispered, giving in to his urges and pressing their lips together.

It almost felt better every time they kissed, the tension and build up between them never easing with time. The noises Peter made as Tony licked and bit at his lips were akin to sin and he felt like drowning in it.

He wrapped his hands in the thick, tempting locks of hair he so often dreamed about. Gentle as always, until Peter keened and spread his legs apart, sliding further down Tony's thighs. Tony's hands tightened a fraction as their denim clad erections met, the heat trapped between them almost overwhelming.

He could feel Peter shaking in his arms, a loud noise erupting from him at the pull on his scalp.

"Oh god," Tony said, quickly retracting his hand as if he'd been burnt. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even think-"

Peter shut him up with another kiss, this one more insistent and less coordinated, using his own hand to drag Tony's back into his hair.

"Pull my hair," He whispered into Tony's mouth, panting openly against him and arching his back obscenely into the older mans lap. "Please....please, do it."

Tony tugged again, given the permission he desperately needed. It was like magic, watching the way Peters body writhed from the simple action, his thighs shaking with need where they rested over Tony's own. His hips jolted forward, cocks grinding together in a delicious wave of pressure.

"You just keep surprising me," Tony kissed as the boys neck, sinking his teeth in none too gently as a test and was unshocked when Peter whined louder, his hands twisting into the fabric on Tony's shoulders. "Such a sweet boy....who knew you'd be so kinky?"

Peter chuckled, grinding his hips down and rolling his eyes with pleasure. 

"What told you? The belly button piercing or the fact that I almost came when you pulled my hair?" He sounded so cheeky that Tony gripped his ass in both hands and jolted his hips upward, nearly bouncing Peter in his lap with the force of it.

"You sound a little too coherent," Tony snarked back as Peter let out a particularly obscene noise. "Keep sassing me and I'll stop."

He had no idea what made him say it but Peter tensed in his arms, mouth falling open as he ground forward one last time.

"Okay, d-daddy-" His eyes shot wide even as he was coming, staining right through the thick denim and Tony could see the clear panic on his face. His orgasm was ruined by his slip up, his eyes already filling with anxious tears of regret.

Tony could see his mind running a mile a minute and he himself didn’t even have time to be shocked by Peters admission, too distracted by the aching pain of watching Peter on the brink of a panic attack. 

"Oh- oh my god, I didn't...I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry! I really wasn't- I don't, um...please don't be mad," The way he said the last part, face blotchy red and eyes full of unshed tears was enough to make Tony's election quickly die away. His heartbeat felt sluggish, painful as he watched Peter dissolve in his lip.

The boy tried his best to get up but Tony wasn't having it, pinning his hips in place in gentlest way possible. He just knew he didn’t want him to run away, he wanted to fix this in any way he could.

"Pete, Pete." He tried to get the boys attention as he rambled without stopping, his limbs shaking in a different way, born from fear. "Honey, baby. I need you calm down, Petey. I'm not mad, baby. I promise I'm not mad at you."

Peter tried to control his breathing, shaking his head back forth as Tony ran comforting hands over his back in big sweeps, trying to stop the boy from shaking so violently. It took a few minutes for his breathing to start calming down.

"You...you aren't mad?" He asked, voice meek and small as he finally met Tony’s eye. "Or...disappointed?"

Tony shook his head, confusion clouding his brain. 

"No, Petey," The boys face reddened at the nickname, his eyes big and wide. "I'm not at all. It's not a big deal, I promise. Why would I be disappointed?"

Peter sniffed loudly, scrubbing a hand over his wet eyes. 

"Because...because I had bad things happen to me and I...it's wrongs for me to want...that."

Tony frowned at him, pushing his curls back from his face, hot from his emotions.

"No, it isn't," Tony said, brushing a thumb under Peters eye to collect his tears. "It's fine if you like it, Pete. Just because you have a bad past doesn't mean you...aren't allowed to like certain things."

His boy looked unsure, his eyebrows scrunched enough that Tony attempted to smooth out the crease between them. The gesture made Peter giggle just a tiny bit.

"I just...you take so good care of me, all the time," Tony almost disagreed but Peter kept talking. "Don't say you don't, you do. And....and when you do....I just get this urge and I want to be with you and have you take care of me so I don't have to worry about the rest of the world. I know that isn't realistic but..."

He trailed off and Tony gulped, feeling the weight of his words.

"I could do that for you," He admitted, even though his own self esteem was telling him not to promise too much. It still felt right. "I want...I want to take care of you, I always have. I just never felt capable or good enough. But I could try, if that's what you want."

Peter looked like he’d been given some kind of gift. He gulped and looked down at where Tony’s hands held onto his hips. His gaze felt reverent, a loving caress that Tony wasn’t accustomed to. He’d never had anyone be so thankful simply for his presence.

“I do......daddy,” He spoke so softly, like he was afraid to say the word. But his wide eyes made Tony’s heart melt. How did he deserve this? How did he deserve this sweet boy, mistreated by the world, but somehow he trusted Tony of all people.

Pepper was right, maybe he would fuck this up but....he would try his hardest not to. Because Peter deserved the best and Tony...Tony wanted to be the best for him. He would do whatever he could to keep his boy happy. 

Tony wiped the rest of Peters tears away, kissing him on the tip of his nose just to hear his boy let out a watery giggle of delight.

“You’re so precious,” He said, an odd compliment to most people but...it felt natural with Peter. Said boy smiled widely, his face brighter than before. “Would you like to go take a shower while I make dinner?”

Peter bit his lip. “I don’t get to help you?” He asked, voice meek again but in a different way. The air felt charged with their new found dynamic and Tony had no idea how he was following along so well.

“I’d rather you get nice and clean, I know you had a long day,” Tony said gently, kissing Peters forehead. “We’ll eat after and then maybe we can watch a movie, any ideas?”

Peters shoulders sagged in relief, not going unnoticed by Tony. 

“Maybe we could watch an action movie, something with spies?” He asked and god....the way he waited for Tony to affirm his question. 

Tony smiled warmly and ruffled his curls.

“Absolutely, sweetheart. Whatever you want.”


End file.
